All the FMLs

Hypocrisy rules

By Anonymous - 12/03/2023 12:00

Today, I’ve been bricking it about telling my mom I’m pregnant but aren’t getting married to my boyfriend. My mom has a big thing about marriage. Then grandma told me mom’s just a hypocrite, because she got pregnant not only wasn’t she married, they had to do a DNA test to see who was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 187

Run away, fast

By jlong9071 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 028

You deserved it 40 927

The more you know

By Anonymous - 12/03/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that I've been saying a word wrong my whole life and all my friends have been too polite to correct me, when I found out that "Segue" and "Segway" are pronounced the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 185

Master manipulator

By Aninta - 12/03/2023 03:00

Today, I found out my long-distance boyfriend was trying to pick fights with me and start pointless arguments because he wanted a ticket out of the relationship. He wanted to find a reason to break up with me, rather than confess he has a local girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 140

Pour some more funny!

By Bruce - 12/03/2023 00:00

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 158

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 782

Appropriate attire required

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was feeling good about it, until I realized that I'd forgotten my workout clothes and was wearing jeans. As I attempted to do squats in my tight jeans, I split them down the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 008

**** my shit up

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to use a fancy new hairstyling tool and ended up getting my hair tangled in it. I had to cut a chunk of my hair off to free myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 239

What more could you want?

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 14:00 - Germany - Frankfurt

Today, I went to a job interview, and the interviewer asked me to give an example of a time I went above and beyond for a customer. I proudly told him about the time I drove a customer home when their car broke down. The interviewer then asked me if I had any examples from a professional setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 156

Sights, sounds, smells

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 12:00

Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 175

Family guy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 1 341

Romantic moves

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 292

Take the L

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As I was leaving, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day" and I replied, "You too, love you!" then I went back home and roasted in the embarrassment for an hour or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 218

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 240

Tardy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 652

Caked out

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 18:00 - Canada

Today, I meant to surprise my boyfriend by baking him a cake. When I took it out of the oven, I realized I had accidentally used salt instead of sugar. He tried to eat it anyway, and ended up spitting chunks of it out all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 736

**** immigration laws

By Non traveller - 10/03/2023 16:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I'm bitterly disappointed in New Zealand Immigration. Two days until our flight to visit my daughter, who I haven't seen in 10 years, and still no visa after a three month wait since I applied. What a waste of 40 thousand bucks for tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 310

Self-respect?

By Susie - 10/03/2023 12:00

Today, I’ve spent ages trying to achieve the shade of red hair, getting various similar tattoos, and getting green contacts so I can be the exact replica of the girl my ex-fiancé left me for so I can win him back. He still prefers to be with her. What else am I missing then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 2 989

Invasion

By Aaaaahhhhhhhh - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home to carpenter ants coming out from under my baseboards. I went out and bought bait traps and now there are flying ants coming out of the woodwork. If I try to sleep, they crawl on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 471

You deserved it 242

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 06:00

Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 220

Superficial

By Doi - 10/03/2023 03:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I go on Instagram to find that the girl I rejected for her just announced her engagement. This girl literally moved mountains for me for years and my selfish ass didn’t wanna go out with her, all because my girlfriend was hotter. I’m a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 2 683

Misunderstood artist

By poop eater - 10/03/2023 00:00

Today, my son drew a picture of me eating. When I demanded to know why he had drawn me eating poop, he starting crying and said, “It was meant to be chocolate!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 462

Impressive

By Anonymous - 09/03/2023 22:00

Today, I tried to show off my basketball skills to a cute girl at the park. I went up for a dunk and ended up getting stuck in the net, hanging upside down while everyone laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 996

The truth

By Class - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 967

You deserved it 4 608

Three is the magic number

By Anonymous - 09/03/2023 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law proudly posted a photo of “all three” of her grandsons on Facebook. She has four. Somehow my son was forgotten, even though we live close by and see her regularly. I guess we’re not memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 116

Saber-toothed

By Anonymous - 09/03/2023 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to find out that my practically feral cat had chewed through my laptop charger cable. I guess I won't be getting much work done today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 284

Asshole move

By Bloodmybutt - 09/03/2023 12:00

Today, my sister decided to have her baby shower on my birthday. I recently had a miscarriage and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 119

Added flavor

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 402

You deserved it 3 019

Checked out

By Anonymous - 09/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I finally got my ass into gear and went to the DMV to renew my driver's license. I waited in line for over two hours, only to find out that I had brought my library card instead of my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 010

Tough love

By OfficeHusband - 09/03/2023 03:00

Today, during the party for my last day at my old job, my office wife professed her love for me. We’re both married, we have no chemistry, and I’ve been dumping my work on her for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 050

Keywords

Awkward Weddings Miscellaneous My ex Love Jealousy Friends AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Parenting Kids Argument Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

Here's another FML video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com. Enjoy! Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tre...

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 39

The Top

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 462

You deserved it 1 638

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 5 039

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 318

You deserved it 2 360

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 172

You deserved it 59 089

Today, my parents took my to hospital with headache, cramps, sweats and tremors. The doctor thought I was an drug addict in withdrawal, which, after some questions, turns out I am. I gave up fizzy soda last week and am in total withdrawal from caffeine and all the other addictive chemicals in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 184

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 526

You deserved it 4 860