Roommate, Sleep, Awkward, Noise and Clumsy: Sorry guys, please don't hurt me

Sorry guys, please don't hurt me

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 43

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Same thing different taste

Hush hush

By Louis - 02/09/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I went to sneakily grab a snack without waking up my roommate. I was being extra quiet, tiptoeing like a ninja. I opened the fridge door slowly, but managed to knock over a stack of Tupperware boxes. The crash was so loud it could’ve woken the dead. My roommate appeared in the doorway, not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 225

Spooky

By Lopez85 - 22/05/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 117

Ouch

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 12:41 - United States

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 425

You deserved it 5 199

Non confrontational

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 03:00

Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 023

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 161

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

Kitchen nightmare

By McDonald's it is then - 30/05/2023 10:00

Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 137

Do not feed the workers

By Kellz - 20/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 406

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 113

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Keywords

Family Miscellaneous Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 409

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 161

The Top

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 024

You deserved it 11 617

Today, I overheard my girlfriend admit to her sister she likes sex in the dark not because she’s embarrassed of her body, but because she’s disgusted by mine. She loves me, enjoys sex with me, and wants to make me happy, but apparently my tattoos and hairy chest are a turn off, so no lights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 415

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 141

You deserved it 1 775

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 884

You deserved it 5 077

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 110

You deserved it 34 281

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 629

You deserved it 6 478