Intimacy: Careless Whisper

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 9 966

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Same thing different taste

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 092

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 473

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 468

You deserved it 4 825

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 192

You deserved it 9 764

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 963

You deserved it 14 589

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 970

You deserved it 12 729

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 763

Filth

By roughsexgonewrong - 05/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 251

You deserved it 11 624

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 851

You deserved it 18 701

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 955

You deserved it 5 075

Welshite 39

Tuesday 2 September 2014 18:50

It was really a sexophone.

Malicious_Clam 6

Tuesday 2 September 2014 18:54

There is a song where they say "talk dirty to me" and then a saxophone starts playing. They play it on the radio frequently. It's a pop song.

Comments

ohSNAPyall 26

Wednesday 3 September 2014 1:10

Sax-o-mo-phone Sax-o-mo-phone

ashyknees 13

Wednesday 3 September 2014 1:26

Sounds like an awesome girlfriend.

americanezio 10

Wednesday 3 September 2014 1:39

She's a keeper

dudeperfect101 6

Wednesday 3 September 2014 1:48

Your girlfriend is sweet

Futacy 29

Wednesday 3 September 2014 1:57

Doesn't matter, had sax!

ThatOneLazyChick 9

Wednesday 3 September 2014 3:07

Well? Did it turn you on? Can't even lie, I would've done the same thing ?

PurelyCanadian 18

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:02

Keep her.

jeriaslovesyou 16

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:07

I love your girlfriend. xD

rockerkunal 8

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:36

if you think that's an FML, you dont deserve her. she a keeper!

Lamar1000100 6

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:51

Jason Derulo? That's actually funny.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 350

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 473

The Top

Today, I found out that yet another woman I was interested in is nothing but a addict. All the women I've tried to date for 3 years now have turned out to be fucked up in some major way. Why can't I just find a non-loser for a girlfriend? FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 925

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 081

You deserved it 2 216

Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 4 875

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 494

You deserved it 49 714

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 304

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 458

You deserved it 24 869