Chirping

By anon - 05/09/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML
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Top comments

Sahrami 1

Oh my god Carol, you cant just ask people if they are gay!

104 5
GhostFox 33

Wow, no. I get that you probably didn't mean it that way, but most people will take offense if you call them gay. Heterosexual people will because despite a lot of work towards changing it, being "gay" is still considered bad because it's "different." Homosexual people because it implies there's something about them that sticks out and "marks" them as gay. And polysexual people because of both reasons, and your erasing part of their identity. Just... Don't ask someone that unless you REALLY know them. If only because you could also accidentally out them, and that can literally endanger their life. And even if you really know them, do it in private. Also, the fact you subconsciously jumped to him being gay because of his lack of interest in you implies you have some issues in how you feel about him. He doesn't owe you his attraction anymore than you owe anyone else yours.

70 18

Comments

jake131000 21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
7 29
tigerisabelle 31

I'm old-fashioned but I consider myself a lady. I like football, although I prefer baseball more. I give a firm handshake. I'm polite. If someone calls me gay, I'll politely correct them.... Sorry. FYL for word vomit, OP, but also YDI for said word vomit.

13 3
Tripartita 44

Congrats, Jake, you've just described 80% of the gay men I've met. Nothing screams "I'm secure in my sexuality" like wasting the first comment talking about how hetero yet easily offended you are. Based on the contexts I hear it in, I'm beginning to think "old fashioned" is a euphemism for "prone to upholding stereotypes."

12 2
InfiniteSunshine 32

"I consider myself a man," because being gay makes you less of a man? You realize all the stuff you listed can apply to gay men too. It's not like if you're gay you aren't able give firm handshakes or like football. These traits are based on individuals and their preferences, not on sexuality.

10 1
cheeeksss 29

First, you can be gay and be a man at the same time. So your whole comment was just stupid and inaccurate. Second, I consider myself a woman. I give a firm handshake. I like sports. And if someone mistook me for a lesbian, I would NOT get offended. Why? Because being gay does not make one a worse person, nor less of a human being. Stop being a fool. You're not a man. You're still an ignorant child with that close-minded brain of yours.

5 0
Magnoxidans 19

I consider myself a male because I have a penis. I consider myself a man because that's how I identify. I consider myself an educated man because I know that saying narrow-minded shit on FML will just result in a wave of comments pointing out how ignorant I am.

1 0
ragnarok1540 39

Third times the charm ... call him up and ask if you can be his fag hag!

2 9
Sahrami 1

Oh my god Carol, you cant just ask people if they are gay!

104 5
GhostFox 33

Wow, no. I get that you probably didn't mean it that way, but most people will take offense if you call them gay. Heterosexual people will because despite a lot of work towards changing it, being "gay" is still considered bad because it's "different." Homosexual people because it implies there's something about them that sticks out and "marks" them as gay. And polysexual people because of both reasons, and your erasing part of their identity. Just... Don't ask someone that unless you REALLY know them. If only because you could also accidentally out them, and that can literally endanger their life. And even if you really know them, do it in private. Also, the fact you subconsciously jumped to him being gay because of his lack of interest in you implies you have some issues in how you feel about him. He doesn't owe you his attraction anymore than you owe anyone else yours.

70 18
GhostFox 33

Not sure whether to point out I don't use tumblr or that I didn't invite you to comment on my comment, making you just as wrong as me in your own flawed logic.

29 6
Nyattack 14

Well you said it yourself #1, you're "old-fashioned" (*cough* aka homophobic) LGBT people have their sexual orientation and/or gender incorrectly assumed and hear homophobic slurs every single day, have less laws protecting their right and general well-being, and yet they don't take offense. Please grow up, and leave your stereotypes behind ! The OP even said "in a good way", which means she associated him with the (rare) positive stereotypes about gay men, such as being sensitive and caring, well-dressed and all ; really nothing to feel insecure about !

6 17
tigerisabelle 31

Yikes, well. If you want to try and salvage this, I would text him and say "sorry about calling you gay the other day - it was my misguided way of complimenting you because I think you're really cute and you dress really well."

32 4
Lalala579121 27

I wonder how long it'll take for the comments to get locked on this FML.

6 1
gracehi 31

You win the award for most socially awkward person ever, OP.

12 0
Magnoxidans 19

Contact him and be honest, just say you're interested in him and aren't good at those situations. Worst case you're in the same boat, best case you fix the damage.

11 0
Helldemon 32

He seems homophobic to me, not sure she should be trying to fix things.

2 12
klutz44 28

I know some gay people who would be offended if you told them that they seemed straight right after they said that they weren't.

9 0
dr_unhappy 4

Well he sure was right to be offended.. Even if he were gay the statement" u just seem gay" is highly offensive.. FYL

2 3