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By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, I took my regular shit, like clockwork. Same time, every single day. Unfortunately, that time is midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 141

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Where am I?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 271

You deserved it 5 036

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 129

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 160

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 03:00 - United States - Big Lake

Today, I either have to shit my brains out on the hour every hour like clockwork, or stop taking my medicine and go back to suffering debilitating PTSD. Regardless, I’m spending half of my day locked in a small space and unable to live freely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 119

By yawning - 01/02/2011 20:14 - Australia

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 954

You deserved it 9 886

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 226

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 231

You deserved it 3 222

Cranberry juice might help

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 16:00

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 136

By cauteriseme - 01/01/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 465

You deserved it 4 158

The planets aligned

By Anonymous - 15/08/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I also started my period, and have the shits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 118

RichardPencil 30

Friday 26 May 2023 19:54

Who gives a shit? Wait, you do. At midnight. What's the matter? Do you go to sleep at 10pm and shit the bed?

Yudith 24

Saturday 27 May 2023 14:11

Take an extended vacation to a place where midnight in Australia is noon. Bam! Problem solved.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 26 May 2023 19:54

Who gives a shit? Wait, you do. At midnight. What's the matter? Do you go to sleep at 10pm and shit the bed?

Yudith 24

Saturday 27 May 2023 14:11

Take an extended vacation to a place where midnight in Australia is noon. Bam! Problem solved.

kevinwm0 15

Friday 2 June 2023 22:34

Were you asleep? I think that would be worse.

metroido 17

Saturday 11 January 2025 1:48

it doesn’t matter that the time is midnight. what matters is that it’s in the toilet and not in your bed.

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The Top

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384 275

You deserved it 36 202

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my fifth birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 694

You deserved it 69 005

The Top

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 427

You deserved it 34 844

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 456

You deserved it 3 628

Today, we were running late when my wife came downstairs in a bathrobe looking like she just rolled out of bed, so I got mad. Apparently the robe was a Japanese casual robe, and she'd just got her hair done at the salon. Yeah, she’s now not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 749

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 294

You deserved it 7 602

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 179

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 199