Relationships, Sex and First Dates: Dating hell - FML

Dating hell

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy. We went back to his place, and after getting it on, he rolled onto his back and told me, "You can put that on your Bumble profile, you got a good dicking" then helicoptered his dick around, thinking it was sexy. I missed the last train, so I walked home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 680

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Same thing different taste

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By ElodieUNU - 12/07/2013 19:33 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 144

You deserved it 7 788

Keeper

By ughreally - 20/09/2013 00:20 - United States - Sartell

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I F*ck On First Dates". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 056

You deserved it 6 470

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 361

You deserved it 31 749

By izazbouletz - 07/07/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 761

Outdoorsy romance

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 706

By single - 20/10/2013 23:21 - United States

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 077

You deserved it 3 702

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 246

By Tiffosaur - 04/01/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 2 653

Addiction under any name

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 318

Nice guy

By fiercehawk - 18/02/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 201

You deserved it 5 343

Next

Top comments

mattiagardin 15

Monday 28 March 2022 15:42

Don't have sex with someone you don't know if you're going to complain about them being childish. You could have discovered it earlier

Comments

mattiagardin 15

Monday 28 March 2022 15:42

Don't have sex with someone you don't know if you're going to complain about them being childish. You could have discovered it earlier

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Animals Dogs Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 031

You deserved it 3 461

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 863

You deserved it 2 846

The Top

Today, I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got blackout drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies, until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now it’s loose somewhere in my house and I can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 136

Today, I ripped my second pair of jeans within a month. I know I have gained weight… or I can see the gain of fat cells. I'm desperate for change, but I have no clue what to do! I’ve tried it all! I'm a teacher and I can't afford a personal trainer. Believe me, I went through all the embarrassment of opening up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 315

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 174

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 526

You deserved it 16 760

Today, I have killed at least several dozen flies over the course of the past few days. My cat, who used to be a fly killing machine, isn't doing shit to help me. She's not old or fat or anything, she's just lazy. Meanwhile, I had to go buy a water bottle with a cover to keep flies from going into my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 245

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 169

You deserved it 58 719