Sex and Intimacy: Do not attempt this at home

Do not attempt this at home

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 760

You deserved it 37 208

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Same thing different taste

By Anonyme - 27/03/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 3 483

Relax

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 00:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 110

It's the thought that counts

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 569

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 10 515

Painful relief

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:25 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 566

You deserved it 3 403

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 3 981

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 691

You deserved it 12 063

Modern warfare

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 01:59

Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 204

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 6 871

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 644

You deserved it 6 606

bethrh 49

Tuesday 1 April 2014 14:49

There must have been a lot of chemistry.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 1 April 2014 14:53

Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*

Comments

AlwaysWatching 27

Tuesday 1 April 2014 22:23

Haha to "spice" things up with the salt

syed121417 22

Tuesday 1 April 2014 22:29

That's just stupid to do that

Tessa_11 19

Tuesday 1 April 2014 22:33

Why would you let him do that?

hazardmuffin 21

Tuesday 1 April 2014 23:05

Oh wow, I cringe just thinking about it. You're husband apparently isn't too bright, but YDI if you LET him do it.

regenerate 19

Tuesday 1 April 2014 23:07

that doesn't sound healthy.

kiki9_fml 10

Tuesday 1 April 2014 23:40

How could you have been stupid enough to let him do that?!

gabriellemary 2

Tuesday 1 April 2014 23:42

What in the actual hell

alitzia_e123 7

Tuesday 1 April 2014 23:58

That's not safe

Jakob2255 12

Wednesday 2 April 2014 0:06

wow someone knows how to read the warning label. why she even thought this would end well

CorriePaige 2

Wednesday 2 April 2014 0:15

You do realize that the vaginal wall is very thin and will absorb what goes up there? And that bath salts are chemicals and not good for absorption or ingestion? If I were you I'd go to a hospital ASAP.