Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
I agree, your life sucks 56 359
You deserved it 15 386
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Top comments

perdix 29

Yeah, cucumbers suck!! They are only useful if you dunk them in a salty, acid solution or slice them finely to put over swollen eyelids. Is that what you want for your dick? You should always go with yellow condoms -- they drive the ladies . . . *lowers sunglasses* bananas.

356 13
dinosxxrawr 22

she needs to eat her vegetables.

294 10

Comments

thatkidhesh 11

just be glad she said it's a cucumber and not a jalapeño.

63 2
feelingold 18

Funny thing is, my wife actually prefers a cucumber... I try not to take it personally.

74 1
Laby_fml 9

"No honey, it's a pickle. Tangy and zesty, ready to wow your taste buds."

44 1
Enslaved 36

Say it's a cactus. Watch out for the prick! :P

32 3
Tigerblossom 19

She doesn't carrot all as long as its not a cucumber!

12 4
imaginaryvoice 18

#22 I'm not going to lie, I found that hilarious. Poor thing..

8 1
punjabtimelord 18

Cucumbers are delicious! How dare she!?!?

179 16
SirMichael 13

Perhaps she's just never had a nice fresh one.

8 1
Acik91 26

Hide it quickly so she wouldn't see it. Win win!

6 73
Wizardo 33

Tell her you can make it disappear... into her.

179 4
Ambient25 24

Just tell her that it will pickle once inside

185 3
Nekogami 14

This made me snort in the middle of class. Lol!

34 5
football98_fml 20

tell her its a decieving banana

15 35
joawmeens 7

That sounds like the next James Bond movie "The Deceiving Banana", starring Daniel Craig, and Carrot Top as The Banana, for some reason...

15 29
thatkidhesh 11

13 your description sounds more like James Bondage than an actual Bond film.

45 0
Ambient25 24

"Rated R for Retarded" belongs here as well lol

27 10
Pleonasm 35

Tell her she needs her Five a Day, and you'll see you'll both be cucumming in no time.

137 9
pedinhuh 23

Well, atleast she didn't tried to bite it!

7 31
dinosxxrawr 22

at* least* try*

13 39
CharresBarkrey 15

Come on, 12. English isn't their native language, don't be a bitch.

40 8
nnnope 26

18 - because everyone stalks the profiles of people with poor grammar before swinging the grammar Nazi hammer at them.

9 39
chatokun 10

Well, they are there to be read after all. If someone wants to write a rude response, they could at least take a moment to glance at it.

23 3
kurodansei 16

I say remove the Nazi and just start saying, dropping the grammar hammer.

9 1