Family and Dad jokes: Funny haha

Funny haha

By Anonymous - 11/07/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 1 007

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/07/2009 21:43 - Canada

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 975

You deserved it 5 554

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 2 599

The Leftovers

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 20:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 82

That homely smell

By Bottomless_Pit_for_the_NOMS - 23/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Miami

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 367

Picture perfect

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 878

You deserved it 5 399

Punching down

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 04:59

Today, my parents and I went on a hilarious tangent where we rattled off the most ridiculously dark jokes that we could think of. It was going pretty well, until my dad made a joke about diabetes. My mom is diabetic. Now my mom is furious at my dad, and he's blaming me for it. I wasn't the one who made the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 202

By BFH4Life - 30/11/2011 09:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 945

You deserved it 5 752

Thanks for the memories

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 04:00

Today, I knew my mom wanted to go out to dinner with me and my sisters, and I couldn't remember why, so I called her and said, "Why are we going out to dinner?" and she goes, "Well, we always have." I forgot today's the anniversary of my stepdad dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 579

By NoFriends - 02/08/2009 17:12 - United States

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 961

You deserved it 7 548

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 221

jesterinperil 28

Tuesday 12 July 2016 9:25

You know, one of these days she's just going to say, "We're going to eat Steph!" You'll sigh, relieved that the pun tirade is over. But, your mother, in all her grammar wisdom, knows she didn't finish the joke. You'll walk downstairs and she's actually going to eat you. Enjoy the pun while it lasts, or it could cost you your life.

SteveDudleyUK 10

Tuesday 12 July 2016 9:24

Rest of family should say upon going to visit the toilet "I'm going to the toilet to s*** mom." Ha, ha, I didn't mean actually s*** mom! I wouldn't be able to force you through my anus. Ha ha". Your mom would give up on her joke very quickly after a day or two of that.

Comments

noreallywhat 17

Tuesday 12 July 2016 12:43

The jokes only funny if your family is a bunch of cannibals

bresheen 8

Tuesday 12 July 2016 13:18

I think that is hilarious.

pink_raindrops 26

Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:19

I think it would've been funny the first time, but every night for over a month would be annoying.

sparkledoge 29

Tuesday 12 July 2016 14:13

Moms are even worse than dads. My mother has been saying "poupoup" instead of "soup" since i was 3 years old. So whenever we eat soup she keeps repeating "ooohh the good poupoup". And she doesn't see why, at age 20, i find it annoying.

middlenamefrank 8

Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:25

Well hopefully, for your dad's sake, she at least occasionally goes back on her word with him.

yerawizardlizzy 27

Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:59

What??? You want her to eat him? Or are you making a bad phallic reference?

freddygasman 18

Wednesday 13 July 2016 4:07

Middlenamefrank, you're doing it wrong. You're a little bass ackwards there buddy.

JillianJuneBug 39

Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:41

Oh god and we thought dad jokes were terrible

Gennocent 17

Wednesday 13 July 2016 13:18

It's 2016, dammit! Moms have the right to make dad jokes too.

Colon_Man 17

Tuesday 12 July 2016 16:36

Time to put mom in the home.

Le_ponderer 14

Tuesday 12 July 2016 18:09

Let the old gal have her fun while she can. Granted, it is annoying to you but it makes her laugh happily and it doesn't really hurt you. You could just go down when she calls you to eat, hold her in a hug and say faux-sternly, "young lady, you are going to have to come up with some fresh jokes or else YOU will be dinner".