Intimacy: Great chat! - FML

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 461

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 526

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 11 071

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 736

You deserved it 15 210

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 794

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 601

By annonymous - 07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 877

You deserved it 2 432

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 288

You deserved it 2 451

By ikungfuyou - 27/12/2011 07:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 726

You deserved it 10 244

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 486

You deserved it 9 785

Next

Top comments

X_o_X_ocutie 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

u were talking to your dick, Why?

MrNiceGuy518 3

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

-insert clever penis joke here-

Comments

kykyshay 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:45

why were you talking to your penis?

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 16 March 2011 16:57

He was doing the male version of the "****** Monologues"

kykyshay 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 19:59

still?

RyanX92 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:05

don't worry any guy who says they have never talked to theirs is a liar. and girls you always say guys think with their dicks so implying that it's capable of thought why can't it be able to have a conversation.

maxxsupremus92 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:17

How retarded!?

rhpsfan9 10

Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:39

penis is a mans best friend

triggerit 5

Wednesday 16 March 2011 19:27

penis is a woman best friend!

triggerit 5

Wednesday 16 March 2011 19:29

penis is a woman best friend!

khatyangelz 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 20:03

Nope Diamonds are. :)

jess6blondie9 2

Wednesday 16 March 2011 23:48

Correction, diamonds and penis are women's bestfriend.

DaveOnDope 4

Thursday 17 March 2011 10:15

In reply to 193, that's why I have a diamond studded **** ring.

jess6blondie9 2

Friday 18 March 2011 6:55

That's hot(;

katjiexx 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:47

that is disturbing on so many levels. YDI

thecovert 7

Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:57

Hence the reason you and it are so lonely.

applecaketree 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 18:01

Today, I caught my son talking to his penis. FML

ChinaBabylove69 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 18:09

honestly what's the big deal ! they do it all the time . IT really sucks for him that he got caught, please don't make a big deal about it. He's only human .

BuckThruster 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 18:48

did it answer you?

jess6blondie9 2

Wednesday 16 March 2011 18:52

Winnnnnnn!

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Students Relatable Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 83

Today, I went on a hiking date with my significant other. Trying to be adventurous and assertive, I suggested we take a shortcut through the woods. We got hopelessly lost and ended up spending the night in a deserted ranger station. Turns out, my idea of adventure is not quite as romantic as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 676

The Top

Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 054

You deserved it 5 466

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 500

You deserved it 3 407

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 371

You deserved it 406

Today, I met my celebrity crush in an official capacity, I was completely tongue tied and when I stood to shake her hand, I tripped and fell with my face in her cleavage. She thought it was funny, but I was mortified and my boss suspended me until security footage proves I didn’t do it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 171

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 155

You deserved it 2 932

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 15 651