Poopoo peepee, Fear, Spiders and Health: Hi there little guy

Hi there little guy

By NotAGoodDay - 10/08/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 653

You deserved it 1 133

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Same thing different taste

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 875

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 176

You deserved it 4 027

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 010

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 518

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 5 381

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 662

You deserved it 8 343

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 321

You deserved it 7 652

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 156

You deserved it 3 776

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 918

You deserved it 5 873

marcelmg 10

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:03

Next time dont go for the pills, just find you a hairy spider.

gamermonster 34

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:05

Whatever works...

Comments

marcelmg 10

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:03

Next time dont go for the pills, just find you a hairy spider.

gamermonster 34

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:05

Whatever works...

Moskaaa7 26

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:20

Omg. Nobody deserves a huge spider on their head. My thoughts go out to you.

tomatosz 23

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:21

Anyone else went to check if OP was Australian?

Shaky_Spear 11

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:37

Only after you said that.

MisstressNicole 20

Saturday 3 September 2016 16:15

Yes, I did. Anytime it's about a huge spider. I assume Australia.

superfunland 5

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:23

literally scared the shit out of you..

PineapplePizza 15

Saturday 3 September 2016 18:13

This needs more upvotes.

DravensTheName 16

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:31

Spiders, the ultimate laxative

Rayth 19

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:31

Look on the bright side. At least your not constipated anymore…

Lalala579121 27

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:44

I hope you weren't too attached to your hair, because now you have to burn it all off.

techieloot1 6

Saturday 3 September 2016 18:30

you mean house

Gunny20 25

Wednesday 7 September 2016 20:18

You mean town?

firemuncher 19

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:53

hahaha you poor soul at least the worse thing is that you gotta wash your underwear now

fitnessgram 19

Saturday 3 September 2016 13:54

That spider scared the crap out of you. literally.

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The Top

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 617

You deserved it 2 826

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I told him that I love him. He said the same to me. I do, with all of my heart and every bone in my body, but we would have to leave every bit of our lives to be together. Families who are on different sides of the gun. A history of hate among two nations. It's too much to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 169

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 7 272

Today, I noticed a random dark spot on my skin around my groin area. Fearing that it was possibly melanoma, even though I don't really go outside a lot, I made a mad dash to the doctor. Apparently it's just a fucked-up stretch mark, and is perfectly normal. Nice thing to have a panic attack over. Good job, brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 129

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 758

You deserved it 2 592

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 870

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 282

You deserved it 4 029