Love: Lazy ass

Lazy ass

By crizzy - 24/04/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 703

You deserved it 4 247

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Nature is healing

By KeysToHappiness - 16/08/2015 12:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 464

You deserved it 8 678

By Daddy - 02/06/2016 08:04 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 476

You deserved it 698

By mytoehurts - 26/06/2015 13:09 - Canada - Ayr

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 2 883

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 11:45 - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 324

You deserved it 5 601

Kinda sus, dude

By Owie - 14/06/2023 12:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 98

Pirate move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 26 833

By wintersoldier - 14/07/2015 02:36 - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 2 378

By letmediealready - 22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 763

You deserved it 345

By Rellies - 02/05/2019 02:00

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 075

You deserved it 283

Saved!

By No good deed... - 29/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 101

Henningdale 5

Sunday 24 April 2011 9:17

Looks like u chose the wrong one..

AKALurch 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 9:09

at least u were saved 

Comments

kickingbuckets 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:18

give him a cup of GTFO

lol_ironic_life 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 22:49

Agreed! He should have helped you OP. :)

bhfboss 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:27

Sorry to say it but your husband is a little biatch.

KartaOwnsYou 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:48

Lmfao

sublime2craig 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:29

Can't blame the guy he's not the dumbass who fliped a kyak.

racsistninja 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 14:48

um yes u can

ydi_4_suking 20

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:38

soft ****? fark?...dumbass

redbluegreen 40

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:50

You must have married the wrong one.

Lunchbox3 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 10:53

This is ****** status. Try breaking your arm while flipping a kayak because your other person wanted to feel the water while going through rapids. Yeah not that fun.

docscientist 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 11:45

This is sand in the ****** status. I knew someone who broke both legs, lost an eye, and was repeatedly violated by the local fish when his kayak flipped.

every1luvsvag 10

Sunday 24 April 2011 17:56

I've never lost a fight over a seal carcass...

Leoboy635 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:39

lmao!! 79 and 86 just won

wareagle2389 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 21:14

lol stfu get your own status pussy lips

jmayinc 3

Sunday 24 April 2011 21:38

79 I believe the biggest point of this FML was the fact that her husband wouldn't save her because his feet hurt. So sell your damn pointless story-telling to Spike TV or something.

leeshxx 3

Monday 25 April 2011 0:15

100 whinge elsewhere no one forced you to read it

Night7 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 11:04

maybe if you didn't suck at life you wouldn't need to be saved

jess6blondie9 2

Sunday 24 April 2011 11:14

If I were your husband I wouldn't have helped you either.

wareagle2389 0

Monday 25 April 2011 1:19

your dumb

KaskStunter 4

Sunday 24 April 2011 11:53

This is why brothers exist, to help. Your husband let his brothers to help him. If they weren't around, I'm sure he would have jumped right in.

boygeorgebaby 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 12:08

hey, nice husband ya got there! but at least your brothers in law don't hate you, they couldve left you to your watery grave - they sound like nice guys! ;) FYL, op. don't go anywhere dangerous with your husband - you never know what he won't save you from next - sharks, lions, cannibal head hunters, who knows?!