Intimacy: New one

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 463

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Same thing different taste

Disinterested

By lily - 13/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 347

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 625

You deserved it 7 998

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 1 416

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 803

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 189

You deserved it 47 572

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 294

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

Language of love

By TheGirl - 23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 385

You deserved it 3 951

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 231

You deserved it 450

lovelyhippos 15

Friday 7 February 2020 20:02

Where did he get the yogurt from? Did you not notice him stop to go get yogurt?

Steve Knight 13

Saturday 8 February 2020 6:21

Gives a new meaning to yoplait.

Comments

lovelyhippos 15

Friday 7 February 2020 20:02

Where did he get the yogurt from? Did you not notice him stop to go get yogurt?

Kraths 16

Friday 7 February 2020 20:41

Maybe he was just skipping to the creampie.

ahabsfan 14

Friday 7 February 2020 21:15

Is he Greek? They have very tasty yogurt.

zhawk316 5

Friday 7 February 2020 22:10

No they don’t

fjvitt 14

Friday 7 February 2020 21:19

It will balance the pH...

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 8 February 2020 1:43

It's better than "I was hoping for something live and active down there."

Chelsea Grice 5

Saturday 8 February 2020 4:16

Steve Knight 13

Saturday 8 February 2020 6:21

Gives a new meaning to yoplait.

J15237 25

Monday 10 February 2020 21:24

Wow. What the **** was your man thinking. Maybe he was going to eat it out of you or something?

Pycnogonida 16

Monday 10 February 2020 21:29

This idiot has no concept of consent *or* yeast infections. Methinks OP can do better.

AnaBae 5

Saturday 24 April 2021 19:23

Yogurt helps yeast infections go away

purplepixie23 16

Wednesday 12 February 2020 22:35

Poured yogurt? Have ya’ll ever tried to ‘pour’ yogurt? And was she doing a headstand?

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I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 055

You deserved it 8 155

The Top

Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 330

Today, I was on a train when I felt the unsettling urge to vomit. I ran to the toilet, but there was someone in there, with another waiting in the corridor. Out of time, and luck, I projectile-vomited into a bin built into the wall. The man waiting for the toilet looked truly traumatised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 88

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 331

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 4 121

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 894

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 365

You deserved it 3 125