Sex, Boredom and Intimacy: Not into it - FML

Not into it

By JD. - 08/10/2009 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 583

You deserved it 4 085

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Same thing different taste

By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 383

You deserved it 3 016

Bored

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 502

By fuuu. - 19/03/2012 12:39 - Hong Kong

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 255

You deserved it 2 579

By NotSoAnon - 13/08/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 363

You deserved it 5 058

By Llaurin - 24/01/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 730

You deserved it 10 800

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 315

You deserved it 8 363

Vibe check

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Spicy

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 816

You deserved it 17 656

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 244

You deserved it 6 562

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 17:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 638

You deserved it 4 243

By Sickasadog - 06/02/2017 16:00 - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 758

You deserved it 689

Next

Top comments

febag 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 16:52

cum on the ceiling, it is gonna turn white

Foster_33 4

Friday 4 June 2010 15:32

#15 you took that one too far

Comments

123e3 0

Sunday 11 October 2009 5:55

That's disgusting.......

kukopia 0

Monday 12 October 2009 23:10

Some guys think about baseball stats. I guess your wife thinks of interior decorating. Do you have any idea how many shades of 'white' paint there is?!?!

HiImAlex 0

Monday 19 October 2009 5:47

get better at sex

oskarkeyser 1

Tuesday 11 May 2010 11:19

FAKE!!! thats an old joke

dawilcox 0

Friday 21 January 2011 2:49

At least you don't have to paint it. Congratulations!

noahg22 0

Friday 18 February 2011 1:14

WTF ? #1

david000123 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:29

then she looked down then said we need to paint that white..lol

david000123 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:31

das so fake wow!!!!!

david000123 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:33

f!!4 real.

david000123 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:34

next to u do it she's going to say I painted the car pink...LOL

Keywords

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The Top

Today, our baby refuses to sleep through the night. My dad told us to play Heavy Metal because it put me to sleep as a baby. We are currently playing "Jekyll and Hyde" by Five Finger Death Punch on repeat and she’s been asleep for 7 hours. Unfortunately, the neighbours are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 182

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 349

You deserved it 8 250

The Top

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 127

You deserved it 816

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 243

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 709

You deserved it 4 334

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 702

You deserved it 8 421

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 123

You deserved it 4 843

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 555

You deserved it 4 932