Intimacy: Oh, so cute

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 968

You deserved it 13 222

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Same thing different taste

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 3 384

By MenstruallyFrustrated - 23/07/2013 17:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 014

You deserved it 6 223

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 8 543

Cockblocked

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 719

You deserved it 18 487

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 398

You deserved it 7 885

By juliette - 08/10/2012 05:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 4 503

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 200

By frustrated - 17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 146

You deserved it 7 411

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 3 933

By onething - 08/07/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 892

You deserved it 17 946

RensM 22

Wednesday 10 April 2013 12:17

At least he has a great sense of humour!

BRLHP 24

Wednesday 10 April 2013 12:18

Sounds kinky.

Comments

countrygal13 3

Saturday 1 June 2013 9:31

I would die from laughing!

AwkGirl 9

Wednesday 3 July 2013 10:34

Um, kink or joke gone wrong?

BlackRoseUmbra 3

Friday 23 August 2013 4:10

That one's a keeper.

Wittster42 3

Wednesday 5 February 2014 6:44

Thats quite funny and it sounds like something my bf would say.

Mortoli 30

Saturday 8 February 2014 19:43

Where's a like button when you need it lol

MarindaCupcake 4

Friday 4 April 2014 7:17

Once me and my boyfriend went to CVS and bought 2 packs of handcuffs and a pack of family-sized condoms. The cashier was mortified.

Funkshin 5

Monday 24 August 2015 8:10

family-sized condoms thats hilarious

Irakli_1 27

Monday 26 May 2014 17:35

funny guy

rorex 26

Tuesday 8 March 2016 5:25

This isn't an fml, that's funny! I'd keep him.

thegayestgay 3

Thursday 11 August 2016 18:59

at first I thought it said all over the bodies and I was like ur lucky you didn't get the cops called on you

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 1 169

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

The Top

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 2 468

Today, at 2:30 in the morning, my brand new fish tank cracked and spilled ten gallons of water into my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 241

Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 83

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 407

You deserved it 6 754

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 090

You deserved it 5 271

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 789

You deserved it 240