Money and Love: Old habits die hard - FML

Old habits die hard

By atsukobo - 10/03/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 4 832

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Same thing different taste

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 819

You deserved it 3 863

Jerk

By Innocence - 13/02/2015 17:33 - United States - Amelia

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 3 544

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 3 066

By nosleep - 05/02/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 6 975

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 6 602

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 696

You deserved it 2 385

When you're in a dream…

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 023

You deserved it 3 098

By Shameonme - 26/10/2008 16:04 - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 580

You deserved it 61 146

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 112

By Ladycakes - 04/06/2012 10:13 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 837

You deserved it 6 924

Next

Top comments

whitedw 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 11:51

lol......well at least he didnt yell some other girl's name but still fyl

indoorsy 3

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:05

Now I anin't saying she's a gold digger...

Comments

Glidefedt 6

Sunday 11 March 2012 13:01

Sounds like something I'd do.

idontknowanythin_fml 5

Sunday 11 March 2012 15:29

Awesome, I moderated this post

valadi 1

Sunday 11 March 2012 17:46

He wasn't dreaming

Crazberry 5

Sunday 11 March 2012 20:02

Try having your very strong, 6'5'' boyfriend pull you into a leghold at 5:00 in the morning because he was fighting a guy in his sleep.

krs7g4 8

Wednesday 14 March 2012 3:11

Mine won't let me get out of bed. If I have to pee I have to wake him up. I feel bad about it, but as soon as I move he tightens his grip and I can't get him off. I can't wait until we get a queen sized bed. I need some space!

Samafilbeit 11

Saturday 18 May 2013 22:30

aww! i miss nights like that!!

shaka_Z_0929007 10

Thursday 15 March 2012 22:04

Reading this just makes me feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry. But next time, make sure he cuddles you.

tattoofano 0

Monday 19 March 2012 18:26

smart husband

RedneckAngel 11

Sunday 13 May 2012 5:18

Just for spite, make him some "silver dollar pancakes" for breakfast, lol.

lauraaaaaa_fml 7

Friday 1 June 2012 22:28

At least he didn't do what my boyfriend did as I tried to snuggle, which was push me out of bed, causing me to smack my head on a hardwood floor. He didn't even wake up.

irishpotatoes 5

Thursday 18 October 2012 2:20

That really isn't an FML because nothing bad happened. So no your life doesn't suck. Sorry sweetie it's the truth.

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lost a bunch of money by buying some scam cryto crap linked to that "Hawk tuah" girl. Easiest break-up ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 112

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 630

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 603

You deserved it 2 632

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 2 358

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 5 013

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 655

You deserved it 51 989

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 389

You deserved it 2 698

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 254

You deserved it 268