Kids and Health: Painful party trick

Painful party trick

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 19:00

Today, I caught my idiot son with a pencil up his penis, because apparently he wanted to see if he could use it to write with as a party trick to impress girls. I demanded he take it out, which he did, but the rubber eraser stayed inside his penis. Now I’m spending my Sunday holding his hand in A&E. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 247

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Same thing different taste

Punctured

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 15:00

Today, thanks to my son leaving his sharpened colouring pencils all over the sofa before I sat down, I had to go to hospital with a deep hole poked in my left testicle. I always suspected he didn’t want younger siblings but this is going too far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 128

By clean - 16/09/2013 07:51 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 171

You deserved it 4 294

By badmom - 25/02/2012 11:25 - Ireland

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 107

You deserved it 8 667

By xoVioLoveox - 10/03/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year-old boy. He decided we would play with Nerf guns with Velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck to his pants, and he wiggled it for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 285

You deserved it 13 275

Huge balls

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 19:04 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my son from school because he was constantly talking about his "Giant pen." In mid-July, I got him a giant-sized pen (writing utensil) and he liked it very much. Apparently, one of the teachers had their mind in the gutter and thought he was talking about… you know what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 147

Caught

By Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 845

You deserved it 76 243

By myfamilyisodd - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 479

You deserved it 5 234

By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 058

You deserved it 5 388

By offrampmotel - 28/03/2017 14:00

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 376

You deserved it 740

By thebeachisthatway - 22/10/2012 18:56 - United States - Worcester

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 249

You deserved it 5 275

jkjorn 16

Thursday 15 September 2022 20:14

Is this Richard Pencil's origin story?

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 15 September 2022 21:12

No! It nearly made Richard Pencil bring up his lunch!

Comments

Liam Rowley 17

Thursday 15 September 2022 19:34

It is a good thing you probably don’t want grandkids anymore 😅

jkjorn 16

Thursday 15 September 2022 20:14

Is this Richard Pencil's origin story?

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 15 September 2022 21:12

No! It nearly made Richard Pencil bring up his lunch!

cuz803 44

Thursday 15 September 2022 21:44

FML staff needs to create a legendary comments section and add this one to it 😂

SirEnigM0nk 22

Thursday 15 September 2022 22:40

You have won the Internet today.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 16 September 2022 0:43

That is NOT how a rubber works! Then again, same result...

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Friday 16 September 2022 6:30

"Now I’m spending my Sunday holding his hand in A&E" Hope you remembered to get him to wash it first.

kevinwm0 14

Saturday 17 September 2022 16:52

My first thought when I read this was, "He shoved it up his penis the WRONG WAY"?!? My next thought was, is there a right way to shove a pencil up your penis?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 17 September 2022 22:11

I'd like to thank everyone for their hilarious comments on this one. They really made my day! To the OP, how old is your son? Surely old enough to know better if his motivation for doing such an asinine thing was to impress girls. Which, just so he knows, no girl in her right mind would find that impressive.