Kids and Geek: Spellcasting and tools

Spellcasting and tools

By married to a nerd - 07/06/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 4 552

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Same thing different taste

Bully

By ninjawhat1337 - 25/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend's house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 687

You deserved it 57 257

Unresolved issues

By Anonymous - 21/12/2022 15:00

Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 301

Don't be a dingdong

By Steve - 03/04/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 2 741

Dungeon Master rules

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play Dungeons & Dragons. One of our players suddenly had trouble with his wife and brought his toddler over. The kid would not stop crying, getting into places he shouldn't be, and loudly shitting his diaper every 15 minutes. I had to eject the player from the game. This is why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 191

Dad jokes, part 43884

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 299

By ahhhhhhh - 30/07/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 624

By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 1 891

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 716

You deserved it 3 982

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 17:57 - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 124

You deserved it 13 074

Sounds like a plan

By just…no - 29/09/2023 10:00

Today, I asked my son what his goals in life are. He said he doesn’t have any career goals, and the only thing he wants out of life is to play Dungeons and Dragons. I have failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 696

Ali Alexandrea 16

Wednesday 23 May 2018 15:18

you may have married a nerd, but that nerd married a suspicious creeper. seriously be an adult and just have a conversation if you think somethings up, dont follow your spouse in secret as if you don't trust him.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 21 May 2018 20:35

I know there will be a lot of support for your husband from FML's nerd community, and someone commenting that OP "didn't want her husband's D20, so he went to get fun elsewhere", or some other nonsense, but I have to ask... Why didn't this guy tell his wife where he was going? What if something happened to her, and there was no one around to look after the kid?