Healthy Lifestyle

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 531

No fun

By Ed. - 04/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Stoke Newington

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 91

Worn out work out

By Anonymous - 29/07/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I have to admit to being extremely conservative. As in: Literally. My body is so hell-bent on conserving energy that, after a sweaty workout, it tells me, “That is quite enough, young lady. There will be no more heating of non-vital body parts for the rest of the day.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 115

Not this again

By Anonymous - 20/07/2024 17:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I woke up with my back super sore. I couldn’t get out of my bed without crying and great difficulty. The last time my chronic pain was like this it went on for three months and I could barely move. It was absolutely awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 65

Pay no mind

By Jlhfan90 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 196

You deserved it 19 430

What's on the menu?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 101

Radio silence

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 07/07/2024 21:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my family wonders why I don't call them more often. Probably because every single facet of my life is a disaster; medically, professionally, mentally and emotionally. Who wants to listen to a radio station that has nothing but bad news playing on it? Also, no habits that will get me an early grave. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 129

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 26/06/2024 15:00 - Israel

Today, I noticed while sitting on my office chair, my belly is now large enough to touch my thighs. I'm not pregnant, I just ate my feelings for the past few years, and gained about 20kg in total. I've never felt so much self-loathing as I do right now, and I'm too ashamed to ask for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 274

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 263

Namaste

By Anonymous - 10/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I tried a new workout at my local gym. I thought I'd attempt some yoga poses I'd seen online. Mid-pose, I lost my balance and knocked over a row of weights, causing a loud crash and drawing everyone's attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 331

Help wanted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm 37 years-old. I work full time and make 20 dollars an hour. I live with my parents. I still cannot afford to move out and I'm completely broke. I keep overspending because I get anxious because I feel like a failure. I'm addicted to sugar and eat a pint of ice cream a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 602

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 07:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 238

Healthy goals

By Sana Kim - 10/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had decided to fast after my cheat weekend, because I gained four pounds. I'm aiming to be 103 lbs, but after my cheat weekend I was 106 lbs. Somehow, my weight is not moving at all and I've been fasting for two days. I don't think I can do this anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 768

Heavy

By Destructive - 25/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my chair abruptly fell apart completely while I was sitting on it. I didn't even do anything. Have I really gained that much weight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 178

Influencer brain

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 22:00 - United States - Bisbee

Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 635

Yes, probably?

By Richardson - 31/01/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Beesd

Today, I have been working a childhood dream job, getting paid more than a doctor gets paid, to just sit around, smoke weed, and play video games. From sitting down for so long I have a tailbone infection and I bleed all day from it. I've gained over 40kg, I've lost all social contacts. Is it worth it for 15k a month? FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 840

Biohazard

By Dev Engineer - 29/01/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom - Totteridge

Today, my roommate, who is 22 years-old, doesn't understand that the trash needs to be taken out. He just puts pizza and burger boxes on top and around the dustbin. Prior to moving in, his mom and sister emphasized on how "clean" he is. He never showers either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 91

Locked up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, it’s been a couple of days since I hurt my knee. What did I do? Fall asleep sitting up, and somehow locking my knees. It’s been at least a week already. I’m only 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 96

Tick tock tick tock

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 08:00 - Germany

Today, I was just released from hospital after a heart attack. As a 37 year-old woman with healthy habits and no family history of heart issues, the doctors have no idea why it happened. So instead of telling me how to change my lifestyle, they told me to proceed as usual, and hope that it doesn't happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 111

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 904

You deserved it 4 448

Inspiring

By indierocklove - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 8 946

Tough choices

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 20:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I was told by my doctor that I could keep taking my Rheumatoid Arthritis meds and be severely depressed, or go off of them, possibly not be depressed, but be in extreme pain. I’m deciding between my mental health and physical health and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 105

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 02/12/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I was excited that my new skin care regimen seemed to be paying off. I told my husband of 35 years about it and asked him if I "looked good". He looked me over as if I were a stalled engine and said, "You look less stressed. That's good, but I mean… You still look like yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 178

Dick

By missPiggy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 2 342

Sorry Sweaty, you're gross

By butterflyzag20 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 8 011

Weird logic

By can’t go vegan - 07/07/2023 03:00

Today, I actually overheard the sentence, “People who can’t go vegan for medical reasons should die gracefully rather than eat an animal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 132

Not getting it

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my boss about the importance of a decent work/life balance. He then asked me to work overtime on a Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 123

The body keeps the score

By Dominik - 11/11/2022 10:00 - Netherlands

Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 194

Livin' la vida loca!

By Mike - 07/08/2022 18:00

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 229

I'm an empath

By SweetFriends - 29/07/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've started to dislike my friends. I'm in my 30s, play soccer, and was recently diagnosed with diabetes - mostly due to genetics - but the decades of poverty and eating restaurant mistakes didn't help. I treated my friend to a ball game and told her. She asked if I was being responsible, then ordered a second beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 329

Keywords

Transportation Cars Accident Thanksgiving Dogs Awkward Alcohol Love Embarrassing Scary Animals Work Annoying Pizza Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Stressed out Family Miscellaneous Kids Parents Confused Exhausted Thief Relatable Birthday Money Argument AITA

The Top

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 8 079

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 825

You deserved it 4 306

The Top

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 541

You deserved it 2 928

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 500

You deserved it 3 107

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 343

You deserved it 4 240

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 584

You deserved it 4 034

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 071

You deserved it 3 716

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 384

You deserved it 42 188