Intimacy: Talk sexy to me

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 566

You deserved it 6 798

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Same thing different taste

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 503

You deserved it 7 445

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

Dirty room

By love you too honey boo - 13/01/2020 05:00

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 2 307

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

Blaze it 420

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 266

You deserved it 17 690

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 783

You deserved it 27 696

What ARE you doing?

By jentea - 05/09/2010 02:22 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 34 949

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 092

You deserved it 7 768

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 355

Pwn17 25

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:02

You're tearing him apart, Lisa!

ischneid101 4

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:03

"Oh hi mark!"

Comments

itooamscrewed 10

Wednesday 2 October 2013 14:28

It's Denny not doggie. I'd dump him on that principle. And that movie is the worst movie ever, but it's SO GOOD because of that fact!

geekgirl72494 8

Wednesday 2 October 2013 17:50

the flower shop scene. you could have easily missed it, it was only 10 seconds. he does say oh hi doggy!

dcross1213 4

Wednesday 2 October 2013 14:29

you should text me you'll get what want

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Wednesday 2 October 2013 21:00

Sorry buddy this is FML! Match.com is right over there ----->

TheAnalPickle 13

Wednesday 2 October 2013 14:36

Anyway, how is your sex life?

Yonex_fml 1

Wednesday 2 October 2013 15:43

The Room is not crappy, it's awesome!

amisenho 11

Wednesday 16 October 2013 20:47

It's naht crappy! It's bullshit! It isn't crappy! It is naaaht! Oh hi, Yonex!

jrock9093 18

Wednesday 2 October 2013 15:51

Sounds like a good man there! Go boyfriend yeah!!!!

mothertruck 6

Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:10

You invited all of my friends, good thinking!

saltysilverfox 7

Friday 6 December 2013 19:53

at least he didn't say that

zomgbies 17

Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:20

Oh hai Danny.

geekgirl72494 8

Wednesday 2 October 2013 17:49

i love that movie!

imdabess 9

Wednesday 2 October 2013 17:51

"I did not hit her, I did not! oh hi jason"

spunkylady 24

Wednesday 2 October 2013 18:11

That movie was hands down the worst movie I have ever seen...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 152

You deserved it 39 590

Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 243

The Top

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 834

You deserved it 7 462

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 181

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 362

You deserved it 3 610

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

Today, it's my birthday. The day started with the cat waking me up at 4 a.m., going to work since I'm considered essential, then falling down the stairs while at work. I'm now limping with a bruised/swollen foot, I can't celebrate with my family because of COVID-19, and I just started my period. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 194

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 2 363