Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: The other's in the Albert Hall

The other's in the Albert Hall

By lone_ranger - 25/09/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 440

You deserved it 3 476

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Same thing different taste

It's not mine, dumbass

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 01:00

Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 100

You deserved it 216

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 368

Sinking feeling

By aftermath1991 - 03/09/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 6 293

By Username - 21/08/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 932

You deserved it 7 928

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 2 963

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 4 886

Cuties

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 02:02

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 462

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 689

You deserved it 60 146

By Battlebarney - 22/09/2016 10:58 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 491

You deserved it 1 969

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 682

Zapzip2013 0

Friday 25 September 2009 16:16

in soviet Russia balls have you.

ifinishlast 0

Friday 25 September 2009 16:49

YDI for having a 12 year old gf

Comments

SonjaJay 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 5:15

I don't see how that's a bad thing. Shes perfect for you and doesnt think your creepy with your odd ome ********

AlliFaye17 3

Saturday 27 April 2013 18:28

... But she doesn't like balls at all....

Firebirdfreak47_fml 0

Monday 4 July 2011 5:36

Hey quit harrasin him I've only got 1 testicular 2 and I got a bigger dick thank most of ya

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 20 September 2011 2:26

Did you tell her she CAME from BALLS?

skate4shekla 0

Saturday 28 January 2012 21:17

Its funny cause hitler only had one...

ImTheAlpha 30

Saturday 25 February 2012 4:31

Lølz, that'd be interesting to look at. How old is your girlfriend? 10?

xNephilim 18

Friday 9 March 2012 0:54

Jesus, how old is she? 5?

newburton13 26

Wednesday 16 May 2012 1:03

I think I know your girlfriend.

emziwie 4

Thursday 17 May 2012 8:09

Way to see the ballsack as half full!

JacksBBQ 2

Wednesday 2 January 2013 23:11

How old is she? Like 6?

classicnathan 8

Monday 21 January 2013 19:25

Chicks Man, They are wierd!

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Students Relatable Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 163

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

The Top

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 564

You deserved it 3 499

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 038

You deserved it 897

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 001

You deserved it 16 978

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 605

You deserved it 6 968

Today, I was at my usual coffee shop when I overheard a couple at the next table arguing about how to break up. They decided to have a “Breakup Party” and invited everyone around them, including me, right there and then. I ended up eating free cake while watching their weird, messy breakup unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 116

Today, I was on a nature hike and had to use the bushes as a restroom. In doing so I stepped on an ant hill and ended up with my shorts around my ankles, dancing the Twist to fend off the ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 193