Work: Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled...

By RetailJocky - 15/08/2017 13:00

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 412

You deserved it 297

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 06:00

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 300

By UkuleleTime - 10/06/2015 05:25 - United States - Garner

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 185

You deserved it 1 856

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 182

You deserved it 2 141

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 661

You deserved it 5 479

By cathugger - 13/07/2019 16:30

Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 130

By Btdtgts - 25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 615

You deserved it 335

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 19:30 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 269

By anonymous - 02/02/2010 17:32 - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 546

You deserved it 4 269

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 806

You deserved it 35 444

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 832

You deserved it 7 670

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 15 August 2017 13:40

Oh, that's nothing, op, Just tar? If you were having a really bad day, I'm pretty sure there should be some feathers?

Lobby_Bee 17

Tuesday 15 August 2017 20:36

Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!

Comments

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 15 August 2017 13:40

Oh, that's nothing, op, Just tar? If you were having a really bad day, I'm pretty sure there should be some feathers?

Glowworm56 26

Tuesday 15 August 2017 16:27

Eh, just roll with it, and pretend you are prehistoric mammal on the brink of extinction.

Lobby_Bee 17

Tuesday 15 August 2017 20:36

Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!

Lobby_Bee 17

Tuesday 15 August 2017 20:37

Your arm must be silky smooth now. Win!

SnailRail 10

Tuesday 15 August 2017 22:34

Use WD-40 to remove the stain and any asphalt attached to skin and hair. Working in conjunction with an oil refinery; this is how we remove asphalt.

Stiggy626 25

Wednesday 16 August 2017 8:11

kerosene works really well too

GoogieWithers 22

Wednesday 16 August 2017 2:26

Well at least you will get a seat to yourself on public transport.

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The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 196

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 825

You deserved it 54 984

The Top

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 827

You deserved it 3 937

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 170

You deserved it 11 818

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 833

You deserved it 9 832

Today, I was laid off on the day I was about to put in an offer on a house. This company promised me the world, and I broke myself working to prove my worth. Turns out, I wasn't getting paid for the lunches and breaks I didn't take either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 178

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 039

You deserved it 3 768

Today, it's been three months since i went to my GP for a swollen foot. She sent me to a rheumatologist, a pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, DNA testing and finally an X-ray, which revealed I've been walking around on a broken foot. By now, the two bones are grown together at weird angles, forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 184

You deserved it 2 080

Same thing different taste

Good boy

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