Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment....

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 946

You deserved it 20 204

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 2 324

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 093

You deserved it 8 941

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 5 417

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 016

You deserved it 7 503

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 15 186

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 577

You deserved it 6 347

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 664

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 160

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

Set the scene

By NJ. - 24/01/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 235

You deserved it 2 449

honda1 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:05

That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL

Audio828 2

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:02

Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.

Comments

NoNaMe5 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:35

That is ******* HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

MadeInCanada 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:40

Lol @ #3.

hillary4prez2016 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:42

Wow. Fail much???

KoreanGuy 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:44

thats what i would do

FMLwrestler 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:45

#108: yeah, i know... i just got back from practice when i wrote it, and i was really tired as hell and the FML bugged me so i wanted to. and i get my fair share, but damn if you get pussy every night what the hell are you doing on here at all???? hahaha

familyguyfan 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:46

If you heard noise on your birthday, wouldn't you know it's a party?

tko 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:46

#125-- haha this site rocks, these stories are hilarious

lilyungmatt 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:50

You are ****** stupid. Did you forget it was your birthday, cuz who would ever suspect a surprise party right? you could obviously see your girlfriends face to hit it, so how could you not realize, hey, maybe it's not a burglar and maybe I'll Say something out loud. Lastly don't u yell surprise when someone enters? DUMBASS

lalalala1234 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:50

that's why i don't think surprise parties should be held in the person's home: they work best set up in a friend's home, and then that friend finds an excuse to invite the person over... i'm always afraid something like this will happen.