Intimacy: Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have...

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 061

You deserved it 76 091

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 837

You deserved it 59 768

Bad start

By Anonymous - 04/08/2014 23:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 260

You deserved it 9 185

Thanks

By Miami6and3 - 26/08/2013 18:22 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 489

You deserved it 5 318

No

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 108

You deserved it 5 886

By Anonymous - 10/03/2013 07:52 - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 058

You deserved it 9 239

No thanks

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 14:01

Today, it's been since 2014 that I've been looking for a girlfriend, and the average response I've gotten was no. Today I got, "Ew, hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 180

By ohmylordy - 29/10/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 357

You deserved it 6 660

By Numou - 08/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 4 252

By Nox - 06/01/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 7 700

Alexa, play "Why Can't I Be You?" by The Cure

By UGHHHH - 17/10/2023 00:02

Today, my best friend and longtime crush actually said the words, “Why can’t I find a girl like you?” I told him, “I'm a girl like me, am I not enough?” He winced, hemmed and hawed at the answer, then quickly changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 209

imustbeinsane 2

Tuesday 6 December 2011 11:41

Now you got 100 problems and a bitch is one

StoryOfTheYear 14

Tuesday 6 December 2011 11:39

YDI?

Comments

Lucky7Samson 10

Saturday 13 April 2013 23:47

OP, you don't want to date any girl who didn't at least smirk. That was ballsy and hilarious, that chick is just humorless.

jmcr 27

Friday 16 August 2013 22:23

Great song bad pick up line unless told other wise assume that girls dont like being called a bitch

GenericKid 2

Saturday 30 November 2013 2:06

Shocking.

RajArjan 1

Tuesday 6 May 2014 1:19

Wow! Do the world a favor. If you ever do get "a bitch", don't reproduce!

Ilikepie82479 20

Wednesday 8 October 2014 7:07

*facepalm

fantasyworld 37

Saturday 14 February 2015 4:12

That's a d bag answer.

77fcsgjxsgjzsf 3

Tuesday 22 December 2015 14:18

This is still the best thing I have ever read

juniorbirdman 7

Saturday 10 September 2016 21:56

Idiot....

kevingirl 6

Tuesday 3 October 2017 16:20

you are obviously an asshole.

shannon2348 14

Thursday 7 November 2019 4:52

oh my...you sound like quite the ladies man. ydi

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 15 057

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

The Top

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 682

You deserved it 3 444

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 320

You deserved it 15 314

Today, my two year-old fell with a toy in her hand. The TV isn't even paid off yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 482

Today, I was on the train and a woman approached me from behind and told me that if I didn’t stop staring at her, she’d kill me slowly and painfully, then she pulled out a switchblade to support her argument. I wasn’t looking at her at all and was in fact looking in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 87

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 173

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 821

You deserved it 4 445