Sounds like you should have chosen a different man to have a child with. This all sounds so terrible. I wish you guys the best OP.

Granted it's terrible but people with mental problems deserve to have families too and relapses happen a lot during the recovery stage. You're being thumbed down for the implication of saying the guy doesn't deserve to have kids, which i'm guessing is not what you meant.

True, but somebody who has attempted suicide 6 times in the past year is probably not in the best position to help her raise their child, which I think was the point he was trying to make. Of course, contraceptives aren't 100% effective and we don't know if this was a planned pregnancy or not. Either way, I wish you luck, op! I hope your boyfriend gets the help he needs for his mental health so that he can be there for you and the baby.

I'm so sorry to hear that OP. You're so great for standing by him though. I hope he gets the help he needs and gets better!

Hi

He also may have been stable and it was planned. Depression is prone to relapses, of course there's several other diagnosis possibilities. Glad he's in the right place to get help OP, whether it was the right choice or not, I can understand people not wanting to stress you further. Hope you all stay well!

THANK YOU #90! I don't know why THESE people can't seem to understand that he is not the ideal individual to raise a child with. NO one said that mentally ill people do not deserve tho have families. Do you guys realize how hard it will be on this child growing up & having to worry about if his/her dad will one day succeed at killing himself. Suicide negatively affects children & the rest of the family.

I am so sorry to hear that, OP. My spouse was hospitalized several times since Thanksgiving, and I imagine it's much more stressful for you with a child. It's within your rights to demand honesty from your partner. Remember to take care of yourself, even if it's a local or online NAMI support group. Then you will be in better shape to care for your child and your boyfriend (in that order).

That is why we don't live together #101 and he's only seen our son a handful of times. I didn't intend on having a family with him until his problems were sorted out. I'd rather raise my child without a dad than with someone who may potentially hurt my child and myself because he's so depressed (he's never done anything like that but you never know). Everyone gets depressed at times in their life but he's been depressed for years and hasn't worked through his problems yet. Until he does he will rarely see our child.

As someone working through depression and suicidal tendencies myself I resent you saying "until he's worked through his problems" Depression is caused by a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE in the brain. That's not exactly a thing you can simply work through. A much better way to phrase it would be "until he learns how to cope better"

I understand you want the best for your child, but depression is a monster that's rough to tame alone. I was in his situation with a girl like you, it crushed me. She abandoned me in favor of what she wanted, as though I was a disease and not a person. If I didn't have two wonderful parents, I wouldn't be here to write this comment. My point is, please stick by him. He's not crazy, just sick.

I'm sorry, OP, but depression is an actual brain disorder. If he has depression, it's more than just "working through issues," it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. If it's purely emotional, it's not depression. I agree with everything you have said and my heart goes out to you in this struggle, I just wanted to point that out as I struggle with the disorder daily.

I agree with 105, 106, and 107. You prohibiting him from seeing his child is most likely contributing to his depression. BUT I'm glad you're sticking with him and that he's getting help. Thanks for the reply and letting us know what is up!

105, she's actually right. A lot of it is working through issues that make you feel depressed, and figuring out a way to work through those issues in a healthy way. I have severe depression & anxiety, and while it's true that it's caused by a chemical imbalance, it's also true that the way I look at the world and the way I react to certain situations can exacerbate the issue. He needs to work on forming a solid support system, and he needs to figure out how to handle things when the depression gets overwhelming.

I probably could have worded it differently. I've been in the position as well. I understand what it's like. He's suffered for many years and I've had to push in order for him to talk to me. He will literally ignore me for weeks doing "nothing". So I should probably also clarify that I'm not keeping his child from him. It's more he just doesn't care to see my son or I. The whole situation I'm in pretty much sucks. But I will stand by him as long as we both still love each other. I can say I still love him but honestly I don't think he loves me. He's cheated on me a few times, but even through his "mistakes" I have stood by him. He abandoned me through my pregnancy and for all of my sons life. He won't work or support him in any way, won't change any diapers, well he pretty much won't do anything. The few times he has seen him he sits on the couch and complains that "the baby is fussy" or "why is the baby always sleeping". I don't mean to sound like a jerk I know it's a chemical imbalance, in fact I suffer from one myself and have to take medication for it so I don't get depressed or have horrible anxiety. I'm trying my best, but I honestly can't put all of my focus on him anymore. I have a 6 month old that NEEDS me to care for him. My boyfriend is capable of caring for himself, I understand that he needs a strong support system, but apparently I'm not enough for him. So hopefully the clinic he was admitted to will help.

It seems like you have the fight focus, OP. Depression sucks, but having such an unstable family (meaning, if the father was a big part of the kids life) might **** up your kid too. They need to be cared for to grow up as healthy humans. At some point in life you just have to stop and care for yourself before you sacrifice yourself for others. This might sound fake, but coincidentally, I'm just now writing a report about how one's childhood contribute to the potential of a life of crime and antisocial disorder. Crappy parenting is a very real, very big deal of how kids turn out, and neglectful parents or a rocky home where the child can't count on the adults are BIG factors. So you are in fact protecting your child by not exposing him to much to his father, because (personal opinion) nothing suck more than being attached to a parent you can't count on. Depressed people need help. I used to be one. But unless they are actually open to getting help, nothing you do will make a difference. He doesn't seem to be ready and/or willing to change, and you're right, you have a baby that needs you more. That tiny kid depends on you for everything, but your boyfriend does not.

I retract my previous comment. Depression doesn't excuse cheating. I get the sense that because he's depressed, he uses it as a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card.

OP, I am a 19 year old father of a 4 month old. I am diagnosed bipolar, yet still take care of my daughter every day. There is no reason your boyfriend can't get his stuff together, so try not to give up hope. You are strong and I wish my fiancé was half as forgiving as you. Lol. Hang in there.

Also you should be damn proud of yourself as a mother and a human being.

Good for you for putting the focus on your child OP, and with the father acting the way he has and Cheating on you... You're better then that, and you deserve better; don't let him drag you down or hold you back. The little one is your top priority now, and you're going to have to be at the top of you're game.. but you know that already :) Good luck OP! Here's hoping your life gets a little less chaotic. (*The father part was in regards to the cheating and disrespect; not the depression.. Just figured I should clarify that.)

Woah you seriously have to talk to him about this he needs a revelation that he has a kid and that kid does not need to grow up without a living father

I think the more important part is not whether HE deserves to have a family with mental health issues. Does what he deserves out weigh what the kid deserves? Every kid deserves that he will have two living parents that will take care of their needs. Forget what the father feels he is entitled to!

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