Intimacy: Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband... - FML

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 638

You deserved it 54 189

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Spicy

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 54 177

Deep ink

By Wanderlei Santos - 09/07/2020 14:03

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 107

Jumping the gun

By Kelsie - 26/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 979

Grossed out

By anne - 07/01/2016 12:00 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 4 811

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 60 629

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 357

Nice mental image

By Maggie - 17/03/2020 17:00

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 341

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Spicy

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 49 717

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 12 601

Next

Top comments

nasek718 2

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:18

Iguess this is a FMA not FML

soccerguy77 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:03

negotiation buttseks??:O

Comments

simsimma88 0

Thursday 29 September 2011 3:07

Lol? Why would you have to ask anyone for permission to get a tattoo on YOUR body?

alex_shtuchka 0

Friday 21 October 2011 6:50

Os'n it called prostitution?

TheBigHater 2

Monday 31 October 2011 7:06

Lol ur husband knows how to negotiate

baden18830 5

Tuesday 8 November 2011 7:31

doubt it has to do with money. prob more to do with she should only b trying to look good for him, and if he correctly thinks that tattoos are ugly, she should consider who is the only person she is trying to attract. my gf used that logic on me when I wanted to get one, and I'm glad she did bc now that I'm not a dumb 18 year old, I still don't look like a tool

White_Knightspc 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 4:20

Your an awesome wife. Enough said!

Irakli_1 27

Tuesday 17 January 2012 17:03

and your problem is???

nevershoutrun 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:14

Oh man.

shinshoku13 19

Friday 9 March 2012 3:36

Get ur damn tattoo your husband cant tell you what to do and if he tries hes obviously not worth your time

KristenWallen 0

Saturday 17 March 2012 18:32

Anal, huh? Smart woman.

rjp1811 0

Wednesday 23 May 2012 23:55

PLEEEEEEASE tell me he finished where the new tat is going???? TRAMP STAMP

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers

The Top

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 111

You deserved it 3 775

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

The Top

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 802

You deserved it 2 178

Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 3 577

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 7 981

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, as I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldn't fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 230

You deserved it 2 688

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 9 136

Today, my daughter would rather make payments on a payment plan for a $2000 Gucci purse, yet she refuses to move out and get a place on her own, or chip in for rent. She’s 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 149