Health: Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years,...

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 341

You deserved it 3 749

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ari - 16/01/2013 06:36

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 656

You deserved it 3 176

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 1 707

By anonymous - 07/02/2012 09:27 - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 295

You deserved it 2 348

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 3 000

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 3 376

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 478

You deserved it 7 175

Denial

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 174

You deserved it 3 218

By Jillian Drute - 16/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 378

You deserved it 2 893

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 366

You deserved it 3 525

By Falling off the wagon - 09/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 460

You deserved it 3 570

Godfiend 0

Saturday 14 February 2009 1:18

And if your response is to post it on FML, then you're doing a pretty good job at the recovery part ;).

kat666 0

Friday 6 March 2009 0:03

Should have said non-alcoholic!

Comments

runwaydoll 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 22:58

Ill put money on the fact that 7, 8 ,11 and 13 are all alcoholics.

christa953 12

Monday 3 May 2010 0:25

wow 11 you're so funny....not

happy_animal_lov 0

Wednesday 19 May 2010 23:09

wait, if you're recovering today, what were you yesterday?

elizabethan13 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:07

jeez it's just champagne, not vodka. all you have to do is say no thanks.

missbadluk 0

Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:56

How is this a fml? Stupid cause I've tried to post 2 REAL fml's and they never got posted. Sometimes I dont understand this website...

cjn9ne 2

Tuesday 29 November 2011 5:26

Champagne showers!!!

larsulr1ch 0

Saturday 21 January 2012 6:59

At least she didn't ask what kind of heroin you wanted...

LoneBooker88 16

Friday 17 May 2013 1:57

she's probally trying to test you.

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 22 October 2013 2:03

Oh OP. I'm struggling with drugs myself. how long until "life gets better," as everyone says and stop feeling such an intense feeling of despair

derpy_batman 4

Friday 31 January 2014 1:07

Props to you for quitting OP!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Sleep Awkward Love Weddings Television Money Relatable Snow Transportation Annoying Family Kids Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Animals Cats Argument Gamers Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 121

You deserved it 29 836

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 090

You deserved it 3 602

The Top

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 471

You deserved it 29 193

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk, and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 364

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 344

You deserved it 2 987

Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 298

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 8 367

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 502

Same thing different taste

Slippery slope

Boozehound

Denial

Top comments

Comments