Health: Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years,...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 349

You deserved it 3 752

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ari - 16/01/2013 06:36

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 661

You deserved it 3 179

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 276

You deserved it 1 708

By anonymous - 07/02/2012 09:27 - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 2 349

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 3 001

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 438

You deserved it 3 379

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 7 179

Denial

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 181

You deserved it 3 220

By Jillian Drute - 16/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 12:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 375

You deserved it 3 526

Milestone

By Falling off the wagon - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending one year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 864

You deserved it 3 646

Godfiend 0

Saturday 14 February 2009 1:18

And if your response is to post it on FML, then you're doing a pretty good job at the recovery part ;).

kat666 0

Friday 6 March 2009 0:03

Should have said non-alcoholic!

Comments

runwaydoll 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 22:58

Ill put money on the fact that 7, 8 ,11 and 13 are all alcoholics.

christa953 12

Monday 3 May 2010 0:25

wow 11 you're so funny....not

happy_animal_lov 0

Wednesday 19 May 2010 23:09

wait, if you're recovering today, what were you yesterday?

elizabethan13 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 0:07

jeez it's just champagne, not vodka. all you have to do is say no thanks.

missbadluk 0

Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:56

How is this a fml? Stupid cause I've tried to post 2 REAL fml's and they never got posted. Sometimes I dont understand this website...

cjn9ne 2

Tuesday 29 November 2011 5:26

Champagne showers!!!

larsulr1ch 0

Saturday 21 January 2012 6:59

At least she didn't ask what kind of heroin you wanted...

LoneBooker88 16

Friday 17 May 2013 1:57

she's probally trying to test you.

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 22 October 2013 2:03

Oh OP. I'm struggling with drugs myself. how long until "life gets better," as everyone says and stop feeling such an intense feeling of despair

derpy_batman 4

Friday 31 January 2014 1:07

Props to you for quitting OP!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Pranks Technology Miscellaneous Relatable Music Shopping Kids Awkward Cute Embarrassing Bosses Work Vacation Instagram Love Social Media Healthy Lifestyle Tinder Weird Dating Food Intimacy Stalker Tattoos Creepy Transportation Cars Annoying Engagement ring

The Top

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 998

You deserved it 4 020

Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 1 398

The Top

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 593

You deserved it 4 110

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 892

You deserved it 5 944

Today, I realized that I’m so used to be stood up or ghosted for dates that I don’t even bother getting ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 158

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 601

You deserved it 7 481

Today, my mother took my brand new PS4, which I haven't even played yet, and threw it out the window while I was at work. When I asked her why, she said she was mad that we didn't have any paper towels left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 252

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 339