Intimacy: Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never...

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By theish - 04/02/2011 14:08

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 120

You deserved it 7 016

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 16:05 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, I wanted to top up my shower gel dispenser. After carefully squeezing the entire tube into the dispenser, I realized why it looked so white: I'd mixed the remaining shower gel with the entire tube of fancy, expensive, organic body lotion that my grandma had given me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 1 760

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 930

You deserved it 46 344

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 3 178

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 489

You deserved it 3 054

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 9 333

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 915

You deserved it 4 586

Drink it instead!

By SpitBreathe - 25/10/2020 14:00 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 79

Morning pick-me-up

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 976

You deserved it 8 669

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 689

You deserved it 2 462

W.T.F.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 06:00

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 134

You deserved it 617

ROFLBERRYPIE 0

Friday 4 February 2011 19:11

Better check your toothpaste.

uberletepoon 10

Friday 4 February 2011 19:15

check your sunscreen in the summer too. unless you like SPF 69

Comments

BloodyHeel 8

Friday 4 February 2011 19:17

Lol that's funny. BTW, semen tastes awesome.

sullysair123 19

Wednesday 3 June 2015 21:14

You would know, wouldn't you?

cathylee22 4

Friday 4 February 2011 19:19

Just ask your bother does that mean your trying to tell me your gay since you willingly let your friends man juices come incontact with yours. That should get him to stop and think for a while!

takeapieandrun 9

Saturday 5 February 2011 0:21

I don't think most men have a problem with that... after all, how else are you supposed to gangbang a ho?

rowbot4 0

Saturday 5 February 2011 0:41

he has point!

whoa_is_failz 6

Saturday 5 February 2011 1:56

I don't think gangbanging a hoe and openly masturbating into a gel container are the same thing...

geminiwings87 0

Friday 4 February 2011 19:20

Did they do it at the same time? Or separately go into the bathroom one at a time to rub one out? Either way I smell a **** cumming on!

cathylee22 4

Friday 4 February 2011 19:22

that's exactly what i was thinking!

Myrenhi 0

Friday 4 February 2011 19:23

Wouldn't your hair have been a bit droopy?

kristir9426 0

Saturday 5 February 2011 2:17

it would've been really hard and stiff

allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 4 February 2011 19:25

Check your lotion, too... Then again, if you're gelling up your hair that often, you kinda deserve it for looking like a ridiculous toolbag.

sovetskiy 8

Friday 4 February 2011 20:53

agreed

OceanBreathesSal 5

Saturday 5 February 2011 3:33

So I use hair gel on my hair. Only because it's the one hair product that works well on my hair type. That doesn't mean I'm trying to look like a "ridiculous toolbag".

allmidnighteyes 10

Saturday 5 February 2011 4:43

Yeah, but you like Modest Mouse, so that kinda cancels out any toolbagginess that could ever be present. And if OP is using enough gel to expect the bottle to run out in a month, he may as well be doing it up Jersey Shore style, hence my assumption that he's a toolbag.

OceanBreathesSal 5

Saturday 5 February 2011 21:43

Ok good point there but tell me this, Where in the FML does it state the the OP is male? For all we know they could be female. If I were male and that happened to me, I wouldn't be whining about it on FML. I would be getting back at my brother with a prank of my own, but that's just me. If OP is a guy then maybe he should grow a pair and quit whining about his brother emptying his man juice in OP's gel bottle.

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 6 February 2011 4:39

I'm gonna be really stereotypical right now and say: do you think a female would have a nickname theish, which likely translates to "the shit"?

TheCalendarGirl 5

Friday 11 February 2011 1:39

Ahaha I love how the fact that he listens to Modest Mouse cancels out any toolbagginess. >.< In An Aeroplane Over The Sea? That just made my day. Neutral Milk Hotel is the best.

Doortje 29

Friday 4 February 2011 19:41

You're an idiot for not noticing OP. Better check your toothpaste.

Doortje 29

Friday 4 February 2011 20:24

Oh, I now see #7 said the exact same thing : *walks away in shame*

ov614 0

Friday 4 February 2011 20:11

not sure what's worse. that you have sperm in your hair or that your brother and his friends are having a circle jerk around your gel bottle.

beastin34 0

Friday 4 February 2011 20:40

haha

kevo83lbc 0

Friday 4 February 2011 20:43

wow that's nasty was it all crusty lmmfao

TobyFunke 3

Friday 4 February 2011 20:49

isnt cumming into anything that belongs to someone else like technically a sex crime, as in registered sex offender?? I would not be able to live with myself if I had someone else's **** on me, in my hair, if I touched it once even I would try to get them busted for something, not sure if this is a guy or girl but if its a girl you could definitely press charges for a sex crime, might not want to screw over your brother but get the friends registered as sex offenders, that goes wayyyy beyond a funny prank

USAF_girl 3

Friday 4 February 2011 22:40

Sex crime?? really?? lol I can see it now..."registered sex offender. mom's hide your daughters gel because there is a predator on the loose. " lol I'm sure the police have real sex offenders to catch.