Wow, sorry man. I don't know what else to say.

While your entire situation is exceptionally crappy, especially since you emigrated etc. You should have talked about marriage before doing any of that stuff. It isn't just expected, it isn't just logical. Did she say she wanted to marry you during those conversations? "wasting your time?" That makes it sound like the relationship was purely for this eventual goal, which you should have expressed clearly to her. You aren't bound to love someone just because they do stuff for you, and just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to marry them. You clearly know what you want, but some people don't. At 25, maybe she doesn't. And you shouldn't have made the 'sacrifices' (which they shouldn't be if it truly comes from a place of love) without knowing exactly where you stand. This follow up has actually made me want to change my response from an FML to a YDI. Don't make such drastic changes without clearing everything with your partner. Sorry your relationship ended like this. But your absolute refusal to be with anyone else after this is either because you are still deeply hurt and aren't thinking clearly. Or you are a douchebag who doesn't want to learn from your own mistakes. If it was such a chore and strain to be with her, then why were you with her in the first place? Relationships are 50/50, and if she wasn't giving back to you I don't understand why you'd want to marry her anyway.

Obviously he has expressed he wanted to get married "Not wasting his time" is pretty clear to me, unless his girlfriends was an idiot who needed everything explained in detail An when you love someone, you will always make sacrifices for them You saying that if you have to make sacrifices then it's not true love is the most assholeish thing I've ever heard You have obviously never been in real love, and are living in a fantasy land I'm sorry OP, don't listen to this and every other douchebag on here I'm sorry you spent so long with her and did so much and was turned down Maybe she does want to be with you, but just isn't ready for marriage :/ My cousin was with her husband for 8 years before he finally agreed to get married It wasn't about her at all, it was his own issues with marriage But whatever it was because, please don't close your heart to everyone Obviously you are very loving and caring, which isn't too often found She may not have deserve it, but someone out there does Don't give up so fast :)

I'm so sorry to hear this. This makes me so sad. But you sound like my boyfriend who from the start always made me think "am I really ready for a committed relationship?" As well. Since he is significantly older than me. I'm sorry I'm making this about me but back to the point I'm sorry she did that to you and I hope you find someone worth your time and energy.

What I'm saying is mentioning marriage is completely different to actually having a discussion about it. And I am in love. I don't consider things a sacrifice, and my partner would never expect me to sacrifice something for him. We do what is best for each other, and it isn't a sacrifice because we know it's the best thing for us. And having a relationship and spending time with someone should never be a waste of time. It's as if he's saying that spending those years with her was pointless. I'm saying that OP clearly didn't have a proper talk with his partner about their long term standing before he up and moved, and then asked for marriage. If he did and she went back on that, then everyone is entitled to changing their mind. He should have been sure before he made the move, and been ready for if the situation changed.

Well he told her from the start that he wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage so she obviously knew it's what he wanted and if she didn't want it to kead to marriage then she should have said so. Plus even when you love someone it's still a sacrifice, especially seeing how OP probably left his family anf friends behind to go be with the girl.

Call me naive, but all relationships are built on sacrifice because there is always going to be an issue that needs resolving. Leaving your family and home behind in order to be with your other-half is proof enough that OP was committed for the long-term and it appears that his girlfriend was merely stringing him along for her entertainment. I'm not sure that anyone in their right mind would actively choose to start a new life just to be closer to a person with whom they have a casual relationship.

There should be no sacrifice in a relationship? Are you joking? Every relationship has sacrifice. But that sacrifice is made out of love. Do you think he WANTED to leave his family behind? I know girls who never wanted to get married, but then did because they loved their man. And guys who never wanted kids, but then they met the woman who it was worth changing his mind for. That is sacrifice.

When I hear the word sacrifice, I associate it with something negative. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and every "sacrifice" we make for each other doesn't really feel like a sacrifice. Because it is made out of love and what is best for us both, it's not necessarily a negative thing. Maybe that is what KJRowling means.

WOW, did not realize there was a followup for this. Dude, you know this now, but don't make that mistake again: If she isn't doing that much for you, don't ever do that much for her. It's gotta be mutual. Don't be selfish. Just don't take better care of a person than you do yourself, okay? I really hope you find somebody else.

I do understand but don't let this get the best of you, you will find another girl that will love you more.

to the people who are getting on kjrowling's case, i think s/he means that if you really love someone you dont look at things as sacrifices. sacrifice comes with the connotation that you're not getting what you want, and when you're in a relationship, what you want is or your other to be happy, and your relationshp to be good. and to the person who accused OP's gf of "stringing him along for entertainment", how is she doing so? i've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and i love him more than i thought i ever could love someone romantically, and i plan to be with him for life, but i dont want to get married. am i stringing him along for entertainment as well? marriage isnt the only way a relationship can be successful.

OP, first off, thank you for confirming what I've always thought about this particular type of FML: it comes about because the guy doesn't make his intentions explicitly clear. As KJRowling pointed out, that a serious relationship = eventual marriage might have been obvious...to you and only you. You mentioned that you emigrated for her, which could mean you came from different cultures, obviously different family backgrounds. In that case, it was absolutely necessary to have a meaningful discussion about what "serious relationships" entail for each of you, as I know several people, myself included, who think the institution of marriage is bullshit but are still capable of a loving relationship just the same. I also wonder how your ex felt about you emigrating. It sounds easily possible that you were more invested in her than she was in you, and from her perspective, the sacrifices you made may have been completely unnecessary, as she was only going along with the relationship out of a fear of bring alone or any number of excuses people tend to make to avoid the agony of a breakup. In that case, some sort of explicit discussion about where each of you thought the relationship was going, with the terms "marriage" and "children" specifically used and addressed, was an absolute necessity! It sucks that you're heartbroken, but my initial ruling stands more than ever: Y absolutely DI.

As a few people mentioned, there were a couple of things you could have (and probably should have) done to avoid this situation... You have to accept that you have at least part of the blame in this situation. That being said, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Heart break isn't something anyone wants to go through, and if you truly loved her then I would not call it something you deserved. Please please please don't fill your heart with hate. If you're angry at your ex, know that filling your heart with hate won't hurt her, it'll only hurt YOU. You'll torment yourself about things you cannot change. Not to mention if you can't get over it, it can damage any future relationships you have. If you project harbored hate, learned insecurities, and bitter resentments on a future unsuspecting girl, you can end up chasing away someone who really wants to marry you. Rather than becoming hateful, learn from the situation. As you've said, don't sacrifice so much if the other person is not as invested in the relationship as you. And if the other person never gives back, then sure, don't be a doormat: be a little selfish. BUT remember that there may be girls as committed to you in the future as you were to her, and if you refuse to sacrifice anything for them, or are totally selfish, then you will only have yourself to blame when they feel unloved and leave.

I'm going to quote something for you. "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." You may be angry and hurt about this now, but harbouring hate will do nothing except for hurt you in the long run. You should learn from this and grow from it, but to stay bitter because of it is not the answer.

):! it'll be okay. Just make her feel as low as possible until she commits suicide.

Wow those are some long comments

I believe when someone is in a relationship and and they make big decisions for the other person, to make the relationship work better or go further (like moving to be closer) is sacrifice. Just for the people who love each other equally it doesn't feel as much of a sacrifice. But what if your partner ended up leaving you? Doesn't seem like a sacrifice while in love and you have the relationship but if you lost it you would prob consider a more negative sacrifice. For OP it looks like he made the sacrifice of moving for her thinking the same of any of you when your doing something like that for your loved one but now feeling it was a waist of time. They say "love is blind" for a reason. People are always blind sided in life. You never know, your life isn't over to say nothing bad will happen in your relationship that you didn't see coming as well, 20 years later you never know. You can't judge to much if you haven't been I'm their shoes. And if any one has been through heart brake you should know you go through stages of feeling like it was a total waist of time cuz you did these things for this person but now you don't have (what you expected to have) to show for it. I don't believe they deserve it more for going through the stages that anyone goes through after feeling like you had the rug taken out from under you. It takes lots of time to realize and allow yourself to see that it was all intended for a greater purpose

If you haven't actually talked about marriage, how can you propose? my boyfriend and I dicuss what we want for our future together all the time. We talk about how many kids we want, when we want to be married and constantly ask the other one "do you really want to marry me?" these things are important! we talk about how marriage is going to be hard and how were going to overcome trials as they come. This can't just be a single decision made by each of you by a romantic gesture. they take time and long discussions to figure out. We aren't engaged yet; neither of us are quite ready for that, but at the rate things are going, when the time is right we will. You sound like a "this is what I want, and this is what I'll do to get it" kind of guy. that doesn't sound like an open tender relationship. You probably terrified her into not being able to be honest with you.

This sounds like me with my ex... I literally gave him everything I could. Including a house to live in when he was being abused. In the end, he broke my heart into so many pieces that I ended up in the hospital for attempted suicide. Love is an investment. But you can't be the only one investing everything.

So you never actually cleared up the marrige discussion, leaving it a vauge "I want to be with you" (seirously dude, if I heard that I'd be wondering what the hell it means. It's been used for everything from saying "I want to date" to "I want to marry" to "I want to ****." It's meaning is not half as clear as you think). Then you tell her you don't want to waste your time, saying the relationship up to this vague point of "be with you" is a total waste. Then to top it all of you throw an elaborate public proposal without considering how she'd feel abou it. You totally had this coming. ANd honestly, if you consider your relationship with her wasted time because it didn't end it marrige, then you weren't ready to marry her either.

It's been a while since I've been on here to see the rest of these comments. And #191 this is exactly what I mean. If he moved he moved because he wanted to be with her, and being with her was obviously more important to him than staying where he was. That isn't a sacrifice - he moved because he wanted to, to be with her. Sacrifice IS negative, and suggests you don't actually get anything out of it yourself. He got to live with her and spend time with her. Yes he left things behind at home, but he clearly did it thinking that he would benefit from the move. That is not, to me, a sacrifice. The fact it backfired sucks, yes. So to the people who've sent me messages - I am not a cold hearted bitch who has never been in love. Thanks.

I'm sorry she rejected you.

She already left him.

"Pluck thy beak from out my heart and get thy form from out my door!"

I can't help but wonder if she did know how much of a sacrifice he was making with the move, wished he wouldn't make it, but didn't know how to tell him there was no need to make such a drastic move.