Miscellaneous: Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards,...

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 14:41 - Australia - Edgecliff

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 2 895

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Same thing different taste

Goddamn cat!

By Anonymous - 22/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Monsey

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 185

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 06:00 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 902

You deserved it 12 537

By DeadlyKitten - 20/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 157

You deserved it 720

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 140

By catlady - 01/03/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 637

You deserved it 9 068

Sobering

By TheLivingDeadTree - 19/10/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 105

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 200

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 683

You deserved it 3 453

Who goes there?

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 737

You deserved it 7 271

Cat people

By I’ll never see them again - 13/10/2022 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 209

Joshery 14

Saturday 20 December 2014 23:52

Maybe it ran upstairs before you saw it in the bedroom

MzZombicidal 36

Saturday 20 December 2014 23:52

Only valid action is to hide under the sheets. Nothing can get you there. :P But seriously, I'd call the cops. You can never be too careful!

Comments

gingerrrrrr 12

Sunday 21 December 2014 13:59

Try using a Ouija board

heathertail 14

Sunday 21 December 2014 16:01

This is my favorite reply so far But seriously that's kinda creepy OP, sorry to hear about that

Alaskim 10

Sunday 21 December 2014 19:16

Maybe your cat teleported Cats do that sometimes

Epickitty58 29

Monday 22 December 2014 2:26

Who you gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS.

minutestomadness 5

Monday 22 December 2014 4:48

it twas me...

hola_trevor 7

Monday 22 December 2014 22:35

Guess what time it is? It's time to GTFO off that house

TRexYouUp 8

Tuesday 23 December 2014 8:45

Time to move out in nothing but your skin sweater.

ICametoComplain 2

Tuesday 23 December 2014 19:48

Maybe it was rat

superpastastuck 4

Wednesday 24 December 2014 0:14

should a locked the door! XD

ruxtain 15

Wednesday 24 December 2014 4:31

Stalker.

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The Top

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 805

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out and I was so close to orgasm, but he suddenly stopped because his phone notified him of the football scores. He only stopped for a few seconds to check but the moment was ruined, and even though he got right back down there it just wasn’t happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 281

The Top

Today, I was walking by a neighbour when he said, "Is your dad home?" I swiftly replied, "I'm good thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 372

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 076

You deserved it 3 609

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 224

You deserved it 3 267

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 625

You deserved it 41 588

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 234

You deserved it 33 763

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 4 224