By Jonas - 06/06/2012 05:00 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks 23 383
You deserved it 4 224
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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…
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Top comments

br0ccoli 14

If your gut told you he's dangerous, your paranoia might actually be true. I feel like people's gut feeling is THE 6th sense an not listening will screw you over, especially of he minces onions angrily.

56 3

Comments

hecallsmedarlin 7

Is this supposed to be a "funny" way of saying "that's not nice"?.... It didn't work.

40 9
ALlamaOnFire 20

These puns are so old. People need to think outside the box. OP, I think you should see a doctor, your life will be hell if you stay that paranoid, good luck:)

1 22
officeradvil 8

I see you've played knifey spoony before.

8 15
robc32ca 4

It seems not many people got the Crocodile Dundee reference. I liked it!!!

27 3
nancyschmancy 9

Can't see what's not there. Nice try giving him an out for his really lame pun though! I gave you a thumbs up for that!

2 2
KK3137 31

*her pun... and thank you, I had to give it a shot.. :D not an amazing (or good) pun, but I didn't see why not. Sorry to annoy y'all.

3 1
Cappiej 18

17- The doctor he needs... DocBastard, yay!

0 2
Zazoo1995 23

That's the kind of paranoia that would keep you alive in life-death situations.

0 0
eb0ny 15

What an insightful comment. I feel an epiphany coming on.

9 2
wallandpiece 16

This sounds like a great film plot. Unless it's already been done.

3 2
ManInTheMachine 19

I believe this was the underlying theme to all of the Twilight movies.

10 4
BunchieRules 31

30 - You beat me to it! Either that, or Gigli.

3 3
happyevil 10

Well everyone does it absentmindedly. It's like how I'm sitting in class thinking how I'm going to save everyone if a gunman ran through the door...

0 1
wellnevermind 4

Why does my brain automatically links this to "call me maybe?" song?! *tries to shoot myself*

18 0
MDM15 5

Lol I when I re-read it I thought the same thing

7 1
iloveandy143 7

Haha I've had that song stuck in my head lately

3 1
ladyLALAA 28

I like the end of the videoclip the guy is gay and gives his number to the guitarist...

6 2
nado13579 12

The Youtube comments ruined the ending of the video for me. :(

2 1
wellnevermind 4

Phew that's a relief. Thought I was the only one... I still think that song is gonna end up killing all neurons in every human being. Finally, taking over the world like "Its Friday" & "Baby" song did. *keeps trying to kill myself*

0 1
nofearjenshere 12

53 - That's why I always wait until the video is over before i read the comments. Damn spoilers.

2 3
laden_swallow09 34

3 - I don't think OP's current job is the problem, here…

0 1
rexcanis 10

A new job won't help, the zombie invasion will happen wherever OP works.

0 1
br0ccoli 14

If your gut told you he's dangerous, your paranoia might actually be true. I feel like people's gut feeling is THE 6th sense an not listening will screw you over, especially of he minces onions angrily.

56 3
123josie123 11

^ jup, with that being said... This is your queue to go OP!

2 3
123josie123 11

Bite me grammar nazi, it was an honest mistake.

24 6
KeyboardWarrior 10

And it was an honest correction. Wouldn't you be thankful later on when you don't misspell cue on your job application, thus making you look slightly more intelligent and getting you the job? All thanks to this little "grammar nazi" here?

11 8
MerrikBarbarian 9

4 has a very good point. Listening to your gut can save your life. Lord knows there is enough crazy people out there killing and eating others I'd want a plan to safely disable anyone in close proximity to me with a potential weapon. Better safe then sorry op, and if your gut is right you'll be the safest person there.

5 0
craphappened 4

So, that's not normal? I think like that too. Except I know it's just my imagination. Maybe you're just imaginative?

18 3
MerrikBarbarian 9

66- note to self- avoid banks with you. ;) Though I run through dozens of potential disaster scenarios and how to deal with them regularly, and learn to improvise tools. I figure mild paranoia never hurt anyone if it lead to good tactical planning. Assume the worst while hoping for the best is my motto

0 1
craphappened 4

66 I do that sometimes. Hah! And I always have a strategy ready in my head in case someone decides to rob me at the ATM.

0 1
craphappened 4

Yeah 70! Never hurts to be a little paranoid. Prepares you for the inevitable.

0 1
tony1891 22

never know. he might actually be thinking about it.

9 2
hecallsmedarlin 7

Well, it's always good to be prepaid. You never know. There are a lot of sick psychotic people out there.... Or maybe with all the 48 hours I watch I'm just as paranoid as you.

17 2
thiscrazything 1

I try to be prepaid, every chance I can.

14 2
ihaveFMLfeverr 5

Yeah I really like your pic, it really cool :)

2 3
wellnevermind 4

I feel sorry for you OP. Just keep in mind they won't kill you... Maybe. Oh, and cheer up. (:

2 1
saywhaat12 2

Could be an undercover Freddy Kreugar. U never know these days

2 2
ChickInGreenVans 12

And how's that working for you buddy??

1 6
PInK_ExCiTeD 7

It didn't work for you, that's for sure... -.-

0 1