Kids: Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop...

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 5 373

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 5 759

By anon - 12/04/2015 10:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 2 499

Karma

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 12:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 304

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 7 662

By ahhhhhhh - 30/07/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 624

Quiet

By Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 11 518

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 293

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 640

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 05:07 - New Zealand

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 810

You deserved it 12 124

Daddy's girl

By TooMuchForToLittle - 06/09/2021 11:00

Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 200

dolphincheddar 10

Friday 1 July 2011 23:26

don't mess with chuck Norris

WDLfootball 8

Friday 1 July 2011 23:40

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

Comments

MattEyre 8

Saturday 2 July 2011 6:34

This is why Chuck Norris jokes MUST STOP. Think of the children!

lasergoespewpew 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 6:51

This made my day! Lmfao

blackvyper 8

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:10

Chuck Norris doesn't have to kill her so he's going to go back in time to keep her from being born.

ktpl44 3

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:15

tell her to run and hide before he shows up ;D

nhougham 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:28

chuck Norris doesn't need to come to you too kill you, if he wants you dead you die instantly!

rwq891 4

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:37

Tell her to call Jack Bauer. He will kill Chuck Norris with her tickle me Elmo.

bb9 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:43

Chuck Norris is to beasty to waist time killing your daughter.

nikki9tails 3

Saturday 2 July 2011 8:03

Chuck Norris is to righteous for that , he's bad ass but good guy tell her that

SkunksNovel 7

Saturday 2 July 2011 8:07

Now Chuck Norris is coming to kill YOU now. :U lol

lmfaoooooooooo 4

Saturday 2 July 2011 8:10

chuck Norris used inception to make her think of him killing her

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 200

The Top

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 3 971

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 427

You deserved it 3 983

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 447

You deserved it 4 198

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 669

You deserved it 2 391

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 696

You deserved it 3 822

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 507