Miscellaneous: Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not...

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By purplexangel - 02/08/2012 17:32 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 880

You deserved it 22 552

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Same thing different taste

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 6 970

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 2 601

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 369

You deserved it 9 863

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 009

You deserved it 48 806

My home hates me

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 02:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 257

You deserved it 4 333

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 296

You deserved it 9 816

Constant surveillance

By mister fixit? more like mister fuxit - 25/11/2024 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 268

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 818

You deserved it 27 639

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 059

You deserved it 5 292

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 1 458

sporty1200xlr 6

Friday 3 August 2012 0:41

You would be a fun friend to mess with.

olpally 32

Friday 3 August 2012 0:45

That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0

Comments

Pandamonia88 9

Saturday 4 August 2012 20:19

d'awww! that is just adorable, can I keep her?

MrNewbie 3

Sunday 5 August 2012 9:07

Indeed

xXhahaXx 0

Monday 6 August 2012 0:00

I think You have a problem

bigboybuster 2

Thursday 9 August 2012 9:06

Let me guess you get the shit scared out of you when a gun goes off Bang! Bang! Bang!

row74 7

Friday 10 August 2012 15:05

Truly noble ambitions...

nunuyouel 0

Friday 19 October 2012 23:12

The toaster was cordless?

awkwardadvances 1

Sunday 28 October 2012 15:21

Why.

BeeQueenbee60 4

Monday 23 September 2013 0:43

You scare waaaay too easy! Even when you know the toast is gonna pop up. Try timing it, that way you'll know when it'll pop up.

CougeeSwagg 19

Tuesday 16 December 2014 22:19

Don't watch it and you won't jump.

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The Top

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 498

You deserved it 1 786

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 963

You deserved it 2 062

The Top

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 750

You deserved it 4 738

Today, I was finally alone for the first time in a year. I thought I'd go to a restaurant, but ended up getting there before they opened. While waiting, I listened to music, only to end up crying for several minutes because I haven't had a girlfriend since 2010, and never will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 292

Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 1 650

Today, my family finally noticed my depression because of how quiet, down and uninterested I’ve been. They responded by harassing me for saying nothing, calling me names, and making fun of me. Hmm, I wonder why I’m depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 127

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 559

You deserved it 3 014

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 670

You deserved it 4 914