Miscellaneous: Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not...

By purplexangel - 02/08/2012 17:32 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 22 544

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Same thing different taste

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 486

You deserved it 6 966

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 2 584

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 362

You deserved it 9 861

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 48 797

My home hates me

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 02:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 251

You deserved it 4 328

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 287

You deserved it 9 809

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 27 628

By justme - 09/02/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 643

You deserved it 5 174

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 1 449

By BurntBroken - 09/01/2017 13:16

Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 384

You deserved it 1 517

sporty1200xlr 6

Friday 3 August 2012 0:41

You would be a fun friend to mess with.

olpally 32

Friday 3 August 2012 0:45

That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0

Comments

Epikouros 31

Friday 3 August 2012 14:14

Next time, have someone tie you to a chair. Hypnosis might help, too.

Iamme30069 5

Friday 3 August 2012 14:56

Punk i stared at toasters once i was born lol

nisha5066 5

Friday 3 August 2012 17:19

Woah it's a tie 0_0

slurshies 11

Friday 3 August 2012 18:01

96- because it's fun. loosen up a bit

Monstarred 7

Friday 3 August 2012 19:15

You mean the game trouble?

freakincool 4

Friday 3 August 2012 22:46

Was this one of your New Years Resolutions? If so, may I suggest getting a life? :)

hateevryone 14

Saturday 4 August 2012 0:01

Try harder

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 4 August 2012 1:51

turn your back and time it and then you know the count...hope your toes are okie...toaster get burning hot...

vbmg152 18

Saturday 4 August 2012 2:38

I think most people jump when toast pops up! It's just one of those things!

deathchair64 1

Saturday 4 August 2012 12:06

Why did

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Today, I got back from a six month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of three years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

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Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

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Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

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Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

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You deserved it 1 557

Today, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year, with no success. My husband's unemployable brother and (still legally married to another man) fiancée announced they are expecting. They have 7 kids between the two of them already. FML

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You deserved it 137

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You deserved it 89

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 484

You deserved it 10 867