Miscellaneous: Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was... - FML

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By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 468

You deserved it 34 080

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Same thing different taste

Sorry Sharon

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 240

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 607

You deserved it 8 212

Parent #1 of the Year

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 09/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 214

By Marc - 06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 947

You deserved it 2 191

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 5 523

By Anon - 12/01/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 479

You deserved it 5 360

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 001

You deserved it 4 050

By teardrops - 21/09/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 510

You deserved it 5 193

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 3 496

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 5 421

Next

Top comments

gracehi 31

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!

crushedone 7

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

Bitch please. What were you thinking??

Comments

brittanywashere 14

Friday 5 October 2012 6:16

Bitch please!

BananerzFresh 12

Friday 5 October 2012 6:31

You practically asked for it.

RydeOrDie 7

Friday 5 October 2012 6:38

YDI for not slapping her back. Not everyone can just go saying, "Bitch, please!"

cjo_4592 3

Friday 5 October 2012 7:48

Wow. This is ridiculous, but you get points for making me laugh. Sorry about the pain op, but you seriously deserved it. Filter your speech.

4realdog 2

Friday 5 October 2012 15:19

What a bitch

bmazzagatti 4

Friday 5 October 2012 21:20

I think you need to pick your moments, I do find it funny

kmoney23 0

Saturday 6 October 2012 6:16

NEVER call a woman/girl a bitch NEEEEEEEEEEVVEERRRRR

kmoney23 0

Saturday 6 October 2012 6:26

Bitch please .....bitch slap me with all the mighty bitch power you got bitch before I bitch slap you with the all new and improved BITCH SLAPPER Only $29.99

Vanity_Insanity1 3

Saturday 6 October 2012 17:53

wow my and my friends say that to eachother all the time I acutully make it even worse by saying "With the o-m-f-g What the **** Bitch please You can get on both knees That's the one time your good for me" thats from Success Is The Best Revenge BOTDF

PeachyKaye 6

Sunday 7 October 2012 0:29

Why would you think that was a good idea in the first place? It's just rude. You deserved that slap

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