Miscellaneous: Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was... - FML

By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 468

You deserved it 34 069

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Same thing different taste

Sorry Sharon

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 239

By Ashley - 07/10/2013 06:11 - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 281

You deserved it 8 083

Parent #1 of the Year

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 09/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 212

By Marc - 06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 2 189

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 5 521

By Anon - 12/01/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 5 357

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 4 048

By teardrops - 21/09/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 504

You deserved it 5 190

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 3 494

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 5 417

Next

Top comments

gracehi 31

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!

crushedone 7

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

Bitch please. What were you thinking??

Comments

therobotchef 6

Thursday 4 October 2012 15:03

yah. to bad that is probally one of the only girls will slap you rather than take pride that you called them a bitch

Tidus0 17

Thursday 4 October 2012 15:36

The phrase bitch please is usually not for use towards the person your bitching about. It's merely a phrase you use when your venting/bitching/gossiping about someone who says (believes in I guess) something which is rubbish.

j_cat187 19

Thursday 4 October 2012 17:27

Nigga please *gets mugged*

JBChristian 47

Thursday 4 October 2012 19:07

Bitch please... slap me in the face XD

Kristoffer 35

Thursday 4 October 2012 19:34

Sometimes I call Lily a bitch. Lily is my Dad's dog.

shammer69 0

Thursday 4 October 2012 22:58

Never happened with me and my girlfriend. Guess mine's more awesome! :D

tressie_fml 6

Friday 5 October 2012 3:54

You walked into that one…

nrelavender 10

Friday 5 October 2012 4:54

Hmm. Well it seems to me the op doesn't know the person very well, and shouldn't have assumed they knew the phrase "bitch please". Ydi.

Abracadavre_fml 9

Friday 5 October 2012 5:14

I would be the one wondering if a dog or human slapped OP.

mrshr3dalot 11

Friday 5 October 2012 5:39

All I can say is win. Just win

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