Miscellaneous: Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in...

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 07:30 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 341

You deserved it 4 497

Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nolinguist - 22/11/2009 17:39 - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 322

You deserved it 18 800

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 047

You deserved it 5 370

By nullroute - 16/02/2016 11:34 - Switzerland

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 150

You deserved it 2 813

By Jan - 27/02/2013 04:50 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 289

You deserved it 4 325

By dunicha - 17/11/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 375

You deserved it 38 332

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 086

You deserved it 6 305

Listen up

By Pfnüselfüsel - 20/07/2023 18:00

Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 113

By traveling - 09/07/2013 11:18

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 984

You deserved it 6 416

Scheiße!

By Xerfox - 03/07/2016 18:05 - Germany - Löwenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 510

You deserved it 1 988

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 434

You deserved it 22 881

hghrider123456 9

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"

HortonThelephant 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:28

Sprechen sie dick!

Comments

gazettefan42 8

Wednesday 2 October 2013 5:24

That's like if you are white with blond hair sometimes old or middle aged men will ask if your Russian. Which means they think your a prostitute and want to use your services.

shredzone 5

Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:38

At least you have tried to speak German! I guess you'll find false friend words in every foreign language.

L_Guy_5 1

Wednesday 2 October 2013 22:58

Vienna is different. You can read this on almost every entrance to the city ("Wien ist anders")

Ladisa 28

Thursday 3 October 2013 1:03

I'm not sure about the different meanings of 'pension' in Germany, but here in Austria it definitely means retirement.

shredzone 5

Friday 4 October 2013 13:58

Austrian is a dialect by itself and sometimes difficult to understand even for native German speakers. For example, the Austrian word for mosquito ("Gelse") is almost unknown in Germany (here it's called "Mücke").

Ninjataco1234 4

Sunday 15 June 2014 23:33

I learned in school that the word for apartment is Wohnung.

XxEmo_PaganxX 13

Wednesday 29 April 2015 8:47

Actually the German words for apartment and pension are nowhere close to each other. Nor is one associated with the other. Your friend may have lied to you, unless they meant "boarding house."

RowanNightShade 22

Tuesday 19 May 2015 8:48

Austrian and German are different languages (much like German and Swissdeutsch) for many words. While you can generally get the idea of Austrian with a German language base, many, many words are different. There are always regional dialects, but there is a reason Austrian and German are separated by languages when you are taught German. My teacher had a big spiel about it in class about how confused she could get when visiting Austria (and she was born and raised in Marburg).