Miscellaneous: Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in...

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 07:30 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 338

You deserved it 4 496

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Same thing different taste

By nolinguist - 22/11/2009 17:39 - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 317

You deserved it 18 792

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 045

You deserved it 5 367

By nullroute - 16/02/2016 11:34 - Switzerland

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 147

You deserved it 2 813

By Jan - 27/02/2013 04:50 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 288

You deserved it 4 324

By dunicha - 17/11/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 374

You deserved it 38 325

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 084

You deserved it 6 303

Listen up

By Pfnüselfüsel - 20/07/2023 18:00

Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 112

By traveling - 09/07/2013 11:18

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 979

You deserved it 6 415

Scheiße!

By Xerfox - 03/07/2016 18:05 - Germany - Löwenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 505

You deserved it 1 986

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 433

You deserved it 22 874

hghrider123456 9

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"

HortonThelephant 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:28

Sprechen sie dick!

Comments

Enslaved 36

Tuesday 1 October 2013 13:22

fahrvergnügen!

perdix 29

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:47

Isn't that the German stew made from rabbits? Rabbits like Bugs Bunny? No, wait, that's hasenpfeffer...nvm.

sophiekat 19

Tuesday 1 October 2013 14:20

I'm from Germany. I was born their and lived their until I was 10 years old. Pension does not mean apartment. You can either call it die wohnung or das appartment. I hate fake FML's like these

ThatAss 14

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:06

Im an aussie and never ever heard that expression.... Maybe he thought you wanted a sugar daddy and actually meant pension $

prinzess_fml 25

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:18

Austria, not Australia...

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:43

Aussie, I see errors too.

baref00tmama 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 19:48

You're an Austrian? Or a confused Australian?

ifavela89 13

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:32

I think the winking kinda suggested it. at least you didn't go to his pension.

captaincarlz 17

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:59

Actually it means a bed and breakfast. Wohnung is apartment.

wiccaantje 21

Tuesday 1 October 2013 17:11

Wohnung means a place to live in, like home but without the emotional feelings, not specifically an appartment.

askullnamedbilly 33

Tuesday 1 October 2013 19:49

Actually, #49 is correct. 'Wohnung' is a place of residence within a building occupied by more than one household. You absolutely cannot use it if you own the entire house and are the only person living there, even if you hate the place.