Miscellaneous: Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head,...

By fack - 29/07/2015 14:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 10 792

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Same thing different taste

Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 309

You deserved it 23 904

Freakout

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 918

You deserved it 44 882

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 013

You deserved it 3 217

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 483

You deserved it 3 181

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

Chill out

By HURP - 17/06/2015 15:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 13 162

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 178

You deserved it 4 027

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 878

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 5 238

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 261

Bojack_fml 10

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:11

Care to share whatever it is you're smoking OP?

IDerive 12

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:12

Peripheral vision; thou art a destroyer of pride.

Comments

rileyrae0000 23

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:19

I don't even blame you

tarlax 11

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:19

Only one person said anything about trimming, and they never mentioned gender. I call troll. **** off.

GreyJedi 10

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:29

Smooth, OP. Smooth.

stieglar 17

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:37

Welcome to puberty

sarah2453 17

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:37

If OP is a girl this is concerning, if you're a guy, shouldn't you be used to this by now?

Mynamewontfi 40

Thursday 30 July 2015 0:11

Oh no, a girl with natural body hair, the horror! OP is male btw judging by the icon.

fakedsincerity 32

Thursday 30 July 2015 0:29

I hate to break it to you but girls have body hair. We also burp and fart, horrifying I know.

radarsat 13

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:52

Wait, girls burp and fart? Why didn't anyone tell me

whassallt26 13

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:38

Well they say you're never more than a foot away from a spider, so don't worry, your screaming was warranted.

sandraw1 22

Thursday 30 July 2015 1:56

Never heard anyone say that, but thanks... I guess sleeping is overrated

chuchusheep 19

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:41

The adventures that come with armpit hair...

beeferjay 34

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:43

what a bitch, lol

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 29 July 2015 23:49

If you were a girl this would make more sense...my advice is don't wear muscle shirts

kendalbear 16

Thursday 30 July 2015 0:05

What are you on and where can I get it?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 332

You deserved it 41 023

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 1 053

The Top

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 811

You deserved it 2 585

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 553

You deserved it 10 589

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 127

You deserved it 5 568

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 254

You deserved it 3 978

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 1 686

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 134