Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless...

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:26 - United Kingdom - Gorebridge

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 559

You deserved it 2 440

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 43 270

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 161

You deserved it 54 041

By hobosarea-holes - 14/08/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 776

By pinkrazrgirl247 - 03/07/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 437

You deserved it 52 215

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 140

You deserved it 34 271

What a tool

By kash - 01/06/2015 18:14 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 070

You deserved it 3 216

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 449

You deserved it 3 684

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 139

You deserved it 3 643

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 480

You deserved it 13 621

It wasn't me

By Shopgirl - 06/08/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 439

You deserved it 4 443

Docbee 11

Friday 27 July 2012 22:53

You're lucky he wanted your money and not the other type of booty

Redoxx_fml 22

Friday 27 July 2012 22:53

Why is the rum always gone?

Comments

PhilMcHawk 7

Saturday 28 July 2012 18:27

You have smelled Hoffa's colon? Tell me more about your swim to the ocean floor.

XxRose_SparksxX 7

Saturday 28 July 2012 18:35

Well...if it was CAPTAIN** Jack Sparrow, at least you got mugged epically.

devil_dog_84 2

Saturday 28 July 2012 19:04

That would be "CAPTAIN* Jack Sparrow" to you sir!

tygrr13 4

Saturday 28 July 2012 22:29

I wouldn't mug you for yer booty. I'd just politely ask for it. :p

hewro_failure 11

Sunday 29 July 2012 0:20

You need a knife or some form of protection if you plan to continue to walk home from work

bassgod 9

Sunday 29 July 2012 2:53

So that's what happened to pirate Steve!

desertpunk75 11

Sunday 29 July 2012 6:38

Just punch the bum in the face.

mattscott 5

Sunday 29 July 2012 12:36

This reminded me of the tumblr post about 'colon'. I think more people need to learn how to spell.

Cinderella_Man 10

Sunday 29 July 2012 16:26

Nah, he really wanted the "bootay"! XoD

noisebox 1

Sunday 29 July 2012 16:49

Should have called the cops and get those doughnut eaters to do their job, as it is illegal to assault people..the cops would love it though because they would get to taser someone...