Intimacy: Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for...

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 356

You deserved it 6 841

Back to school
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Same thing different taste

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 540

You deserved it 6 401

Suspicious

By BilletsDoudous - 15/01/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 459

You deserved it 3 405

By Brittany - 10/04/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 103

You deserved it 49 941

By juliette - 08/10/2012 05:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 4 504

By jennyygrace - 11/07/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 610

You deserved it 41 652

Nice!

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 073

You deserved it 18 141

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 427

You deserved it 4 790

By ouch - 01/09/2010 13:50 - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 4 202

Mom Jokes FTW

By Embarrassed Daughter - 18/07/2017 08:26 - United States - Erlanger

Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 359

You deserved it 366

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 00:13 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 575

You deserved it 5 917

Pleonasm 35

Saturday 23 March 2013 19:35

Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.

streetriots 9

Saturday 23 March 2013 19:36

My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.

Comments

olpally 32

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:21

Not gonna lie, that's one of the best pranks ever! Just be glad he didn't put a whip in there too! Haha.

ironik69 31

Saturday 23 March 2013 21:17

I think olpally is going for the badge where you have three unburied comments on one fml. LOL.

tmmundy 17

Saturday 23 March 2013 21:49

50....I only counted 2 comments he made, and this is the first I heard of this new rule that we had to limit our comments on each FML post. Thank you for informing us (as I roll my eyes).

ironik69 31

Saturday 23 March 2013 22:04

Wow 57, harsh much? It was a joke. You know, some people do still do that. But thank you so much for putting me in my place.

CharresBarkrey 15

Sunday 24 March 2013 8:41

57 - When you're done pulling your foot out of your mouth, you should check out comment #54.

spazz666 18

Sunday 24 March 2013 21:19

You're an idiot. Nobody said anything about limiting comments. Do you even understand what a badge is? Stop while you're ahead.

AHappyGoth 14

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:27

Maybe you could. . .educate them. . . *Cue 80's porno music*

starflyer59 17

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:33

I am so doing this to my sister. Brilliant idea!

abu4u 26

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:35

Good thing the guards have a sense of humour.

buckeyed 20

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:39

haha im sorry thats uncomfortable but at least your boyfriend sounds playful! plan on how to get him back next time he goes to the airport. a large buttplug, perhaps? ;)

ragini95 16

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:53

This may be my favourite fml of all time.

benives21 4

Saturday 23 March 2013 20:54

I'm surprised the TSA didn't take you in for further questioning and call the handcuffs a weapon

therealafroninga 10

Sunday 24 March 2013 3:06

Yeah, they go by NSA.

mikepzz 27

Saturday 23 March 2013 21:05

That's hilarious! Embarrassing but you gotta admit that's too funny

Tgo19053 15

Saturday 23 March 2013 21:13

At least they didn't strip search you looking for more toys lol

SMHsohard 22

Saturday 23 March 2013 21:15

Considering the number of times I'm delving into my purse in the course of a day, I'm surprised you didn't find them before you got to the airport. You either have a huge-ass purse, or much restraint. Whichever, that was funny as Hell.