Kids: Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter...

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 960

You deserved it 6 278

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 5 759

By lon01t - 07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 293

You deserved it 2 647

Sleep demon

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 104

You deserved it 4 719

By Anonymous - 24/05/2015 15:15 - United States - Lompoc

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 573

You deserved it 2 283

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 2 811

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 689

You deserved it 6 206

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 156

You deserved it 4 173

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 226

Baby fever

By SkeetinKeaton - 06/05/2013 06:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 402

You deserved it 6 565

By ktiskool - 01/08/2013 04:03 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 443

You deserved it 4 152

holagurl15 11

Monday 18 July 2011 19:11

be careful when she steps outside—she might start to sparkle.

xBangOut 4

Monday 18 July 2011 19:44

Bring her in the sun and ask her to explain why she is not sparkling like a glorious homosexual!

Comments

juicedboi 7

Monday 18 July 2011 20:07

People remember previous generations for their heroes and idols. We will be remembered for Justin Beiber and twilight. It's a sad era for humanity.

horrorfreak79nj 2

Monday 18 July 2011 20:10

Make her watch the 'old-school' vampire horror movies. There's a chance it will make her terrified of wanting anything to do with vampires ever again. OR, it may only serve to feed her imagination further ... but at least she'll be doing it right this time.

xXSKYLARXx 0

Monday 18 July 2011 20:11

look wat twilight has to done to everyone

nuggin0917 1

Monday 18 July 2011 20:12

damn twilight...

0utlawed 0

Monday 18 July 2011 20:16

Put extra garlic in all of her meals, around the house, in her room, everywhere. vampires have no reflection in mirrors, a 13 year old girl must need a mirror, try removing all of the vampire repelling items or add more of them

bms1996 12

Monday 18 July 2011 20:16

see what twilite does to children?

sillygoth243 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:08

makes it so they can't spell?

Brianaamariee 4

Monday 18 July 2011 20:18

atleast she's got an active imagination :D (don't crush your spirit with your jealous non sense -.-)

DeepDownThere 3

Monday 18 July 2011 20:20

Stab a wooden stake through her heart. If she dies she's a vampire... well...or a human, or something else. But if she doesn't die... then... somethings probably wrong.