Animals: Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed...

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 734

You deserved it 5 813

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Same thing different taste

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 118

You deserved it 12 873

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 616

You deserved it 7 924

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 408

You deserved it 3 346

Red alert

By Life With Cats - 15/08/2022 22:00

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 244

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 2 191

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 26 523

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 809

You deserved it 3 097

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 172

Catfight

By Invaded - 18/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I thought I had fully patched up the hole in the wall near the stairs. I was proven wrong when I heard my cat screaming and hissing near it. The black cat who lives in my backyard decided to say hi, which my cat didn't take too kindly to. She absolutely whooped his ass. Not a fun thing to wake up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 282

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 226

Tripartita 44

Saturday 19 December 2015 0:42

Ugh, this happened to me once. I was just robbing somebody's house and could hear them freaking out upstairs. Fortunately, I was wearing my fursuit, so they mistook me for their cat.

Miss_Chevious 37

Saturday 19 December 2015 0:40

Sounds like an FML for the police guys who showed up. Today, some idiot called us in thinking he was getting robbed. The 'noises' he heard was his cat. FML

Comments

TripleDallas123 15

Saturday 19 December 2015 4:43

Cats are strange creatures. Boring, bland animals at day; Annoying creatures by night.

RabbitOfAurora 28

Saturday 19 December 2015 18:25

You've never owned a cat befor have you? They're ******* annoying ***** 24/7.

ko051598 20

Saturday 19 December 2015 5:16

I don't know why but this made me laugh so much

xnemesis1981 15

Saturday 19 December 2015 5:29

My dog did this to me, the little fluffball (shit).

jerbear91 18

Saturday 19 December 2015 6:02

my cat does that all the time. I'm pretty sure iv never called the cops

bsmallz3 12

Saturday 19 December 2015 6:06

this fml sucks

beatbot 7

Saturday 19 December 2015 6:17

you can never be too safe. good move OP

corky1992 33

Saturday 19 December 2015 7:09

Bet that gave the cops a good laugh.

mrningbrd 19

Saturday 19 December 2015 7:27

Same thing happened to me last night while everyone was at Star Wars. Except instead of a cat, it was my parent's closet breaking because of too many clothes. Totally scared the shit out of me and my dog though

Mike_Oxhard 14

Saturday 19 December 2015 7:32

OP should write a book. Tales of the Crazy Cat Lady: Episode 1: The Cat Burglar. Ideas for some of your next books could be Episode 4: Curious Cat Seeks Rancid Smell, and Episode 5: Why Haven't I Been Fed in 4 Days? Episode 6 can be where the cops show up and find the cats eating your corpse. Lonely Cat Lady Finally Licked.

Witchylady 17

Saturday 19 December 2015 8:29

Cats are not dick heads. Cause you just don't realise how intelligent and creative they can be.

RabbitOfAurora 28

Saturday 19 December 2015 18:30

No, they are absolutely dickheads. Also: ******* annoying *****, ungrateful little *****; cheeky little assholes, grumpy-ass ****'n shit heads, fluffy little dumb-ass. I'm trying to think of what else I've called my fluffy little darlings over the years...