Animals, Dogs, Awkward and Cops: Crime scene - FML

Crime scene

By xTRYSOFTx - 07/03/2020 03:00 - United States

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 2 190

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Same thing different taste

By Mumbling Mutt101 - 15/08/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 5 877

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 5 251

Guilty until proven innocent

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 14:00

Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 129

By Alaska - 29/10/2015 03:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 877

You deserved it 2 520

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 732

You deserved it 5 811

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 3 113

By GoodDog - 09/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 855

You deserved it 51 893

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 272

You deserved it 35 660

Thug life

By secretagentsam00 - 31/03/2020 23:00

Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 561

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 172

Next

Top comments

carrs2154 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 4:32

Honestly. What the hell?

WistayShlaio82 13

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:21

I hope your insurance doesn’t read this

Comments

WistayShlaio82 13

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:21

I hope your insurance doesn’t read this

krray 7

Tuesday 10 March 2020 18:38

Insurance!? How about the police... What you just did is a felony now.

jc1015 25

Sunday 15 November 2020 9:20

I'm hoping the opposite he would totally deserve it

Itsheragain 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 3:43

😑

carrs2154 9

Saturday 7 March 2020 4:32

Honestly. What the hell?

mackdeezy 22

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:15

You know, instead of counting your blessings for being lucky, you go and do this shit. The police would have understood if you were upfront with them.

Wadlaen 23

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:23

Fully understandable! A lot of us would have done the same!

ViviMage 38

Saturday 7 March 2020 8:47

911 responders would rather you are safe and it's just the cat or dog making noises but confirmed the house is ok! You won't get in trouble for calling in good faith you were scared with strange noises! Well good luck on your 7 years bad luck!

hdisnfjs91 21

Saturday 7 March 2020 13:58

good job at commiting to avoid looking silly

AmbrosiaFan 18

Saturday 7 March 2020 15:02

Filing a false police report. Stay classy.

grayy 2

Saturday 7 March 2020 21:21

filing a false police report wow, next you will blame someone innocent is that it?!

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

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Today, I found out that just because your shift ends at 6 p.m. doesn’t mean you can leave at 6 p.m. on the dot. You might get written up by your boss when he wants to discuss some projects and needs 5 minutes of your time, and you decline. Apparently, having boundaries is classed as “insubordination.” FML

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Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

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You deserved it 118

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 080

You deserved it 4 167

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251 819

You deserved it 31 294

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 112

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 070

You deserved it 3 430