Love: Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house,...

I still have a Star Wars pillow case on my bed, and I'd probably have My Little Pony sheets if I didn't have to worry about them agitating my mother's heart condition the first time she sees them.

calucalay 13

Tuesday 19 March 2013 18:45

YAY WE DID IT WE DID IT! WE DID IT YEAH! haha

pmadNess 16

Tuesday 19 March 2013 18:52

13- FML is supposed to be humorous! This fit quite appropriately. Now go untwist those panties before you choke to death!

Lissur 3

Tuesday 19 March 2013 18:53

Did he take you to Candy Mountain?

RoboCunnilingus 23

Tuesday 19 March 2013 19:25

I'm guessing you won't be knocking Boots.

katt_is_here 24

Tuesday 26 March 2013 17:09

Okay, that make me snort giggle out loud. Kudos.

baseballgirl25 6

Tuesday 19 March 2013 21:20

I'm pretty sure he was only using them because they were clean. No need to get your panties in a bunch.

Majora738 9

Tuesday 19 March 2013 21:42

Oh the life of a pedophile

Old_Iron_Sides 6

Tuesday 19 March 2013 22:16

Do you see the people having sex on me?...Where?...

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 422

You deserved it 55 330

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

The Top

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 4 632

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 089

You deserved it 1 749

Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 212

Today, I was at a friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. Everyone cheered, until I slipped on the flowers and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 114

Today, after my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer, I'd packed my belongings and quit my job to go help my mom take care of him. Now she's had a stroke, so I spend my days/nights taking care of both of them. The thing is, I have 3 siblings that live within 5 miles that can't lift a finger to help. I love my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 96

Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 129

You deserved it 270