Animals: Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit...

By 21ShitCleaner - 21/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Poway

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 067

You deserved it 2 904

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Same thing different taste

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 198

You deserved it 1 304

Happy nothing, then

By amy - 30/06/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 634

You deserved it 364

Lovely parents

By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 333

You deserved it 200

Dirty work

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 145

By CrapDay - 18/01/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 173

You deserved it 1 795

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 8 641

By Username - 13/02/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 3 722

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 955

You deserved it 467

Treasure hunt

By Catois - 05/03/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 775

You deserved it 13 227

skye147 20

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:32

It was a present from your dog!! Happy birthday!! :D

cutycat136 28

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:38

Well, let's hope that tonight your father has a better surprise for you than the one this morning from your dog. Maybe your dad is just trying to make you think there isn't one by doing that.

Comments

angelitared 27

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:39

Parents . Ugh what nerve! HBD! ❤️

xluciferx666 21

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:40

Now take what you have cleaned up and shove it in your dad's pillowcase

hoodiewear365 9

Tuesday 21 April 2015 19:46

That's unnecessary.

WCARlover 34

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:43

Your dog just confused "happy" with "crappy"...he tried, though!

Sansa_fml 38

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:44

Aww, that sucks. I hope they still did surprise you later, and this time with something nice. And happy birthday :)

AndrewMoreira14 19

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:45

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

LadyNightowl 17

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:47

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry your day started off so bad.

SweetIam 12

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:49

Hopefully he has something else planned. Happy Birthday op!

vikky538 28

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:57

Its a practical metaphor to say life starts giving you shit when start turning 21.

fml510605 16

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:59

Happy birthday! Hopefully the rest of your day will get better!!!

ColonelCusswords 24

Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:59

Wow... What a shitty birthday... :(

MrConcise 34

Tuesday 21 April 2015 19:40

I can give you a hand, but my thumb won't protect you from being buried by the mob of FMLers who hate shit puns.

ColonelCusswords 24

Wednesday 22 April 2015 6:47

I DONT GIVE A FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

TallMist 32

Wednesday 22 April 2015 21:19

Clearly, you do. Enough to respond, anyways.

ColonelCusswords 24

Wednesday 22 April 2015 21:40

If i wanna make a shitty(:D) pun about a shitty(:D) fml, im gonna make a shitty(:D) ******* pun!! I have the freedom and the right to do shit(:D) like this because i aint a push over who abides to societies shitty(:D) standards of correct fml comments!! Ill make shitty(:D) puns all ****** day son!! Just cuz you shitty(:D) fmlers dont like shitty(:D) puns, doesnt mean i aint allowed to post shitty(:D) puns!!

ColonelCusswords 24

Wednesday 22 April 2015 21:47

I DREAM OF A FREE FML!!!!! WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GOOD PEOPLE WHO ONLY WANT TO POST SHIT PUNS!!!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????!!!! LONG LIVE FREE FML!!!!! WE WILL NEVER BOW DOWN TO YOU PRETENTIOUS SWINE WHO TRY TO SMOTHER THE PEOPLE WHO ONLY WANT TO SHARE THIER BEAUTIFUL PUNS WITH SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!