Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 00:01

Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 245

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Same thing different taste

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 707

You deserved it 3 166

By notsoonenufdeparted - 02/10/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 277

You deserved it 4 814

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 3 132

By daycare worker - 23/12/2016 18:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my 4-year-old daughter that when she grew up she could work at a daycare, like me, to help all of the little kids like her. She started crying because she thought it was a bad job to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 771

You deserved it 1 747

By unknown - 15/09/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 6 096

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 034

You deserved it 4 181

Who are you?

By LCDRBrownHercules - 22/09/2015 01:44 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 967

You deserved it 2 013

Wise kid

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 17:02

Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 713

You deserved it 5 759

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 641

You deserved it 24 787

Next

Top comments

demix_fml 32

Tuesday 20 August 2019 0:11

Kids say the strangest things....😶

acmariner99 25

Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:34

I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.

Comments

demix_fml 32

Tuesday 20 August 2019 0:11

Kids say the strangest things....😶

acmariner99 25

Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:34

I don’t think the Geneva Convention approves of child soldiers.

EmDizzle2007 28

Tuesday 20 August 2019 1:45

this is a good take.

Weslea Sanchez 12

Tuesday 20 August 2019 12:27

Unless you straight up ignore them, but at that point the US, Britain, France, or the UN is probably overthrowing your government

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 20 August 2019 4:15

Tell her she’d see you again. You’ll be coming home with a gun and PTSD. Is that what she wants?

spillmybeans1 5

Tuesday 20 August 2019 7:12

I think you took a joke a touch too far.

jbuckets_404 38

Tuesday 20 August 2019 9:03

Why, is she already in the Navy? ;-)

0neiros 14

Thursday 22 August 2019 21:58

She's FOUR, so not a bastion of intellect to be taken seriously. Tell her because she was mean to you, they killed a puppy at the dog pound. Got to keep the next generation of therapists employed you know.

Sarah Emmons_80368934 6

Tuesday 27 August 2019 5:36

My kids an asshole too 🙄🙄 she’s not even 4 yet

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 215

Today, it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 095

You deserved it 880

The Top

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 153

You deserved it 42 115

Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 632

Today, my parents got mad at me because I laughed when they called the bullseye "bonsai" while watching darts. They've always thought it was bonsai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 568

You deserved it 488

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 402

You deserved it 685

Today, my girlfriend found out that she's pregnant and has spent the last 5 hours in the bathroom crying at “what her father is going to think”. She’s 32 years old for god's sake, in an adult relationship, and still thinks her father is going to be angry at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 321

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 506

You deserved it 5 484