Health: Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into... - FML

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 3 076

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Same thing different taste

By fuuuuuh - 20/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 796

You deserved it 30 938

By AW - 10/01/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 039

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 895

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 777

You deserved it 3 362

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 18:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 317

You deserved it 3 323

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 453

You deserved it 11 656

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 442

You deserved it 4 063

The squits

By Cliff - 11/10/2024 00:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 94

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 485

You deserved it 4 813

By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 233

Next

Top comments

TheBrickWithouse 10

Friday 29 July 2011 1:23

i have one word for you: buckets. Seriously though, FYL.

prelim_champ 10

Friday 29 July 2011 1:37

The visual image of a "diarrhea fountain" is quite vomit-inducing...

Comments

wriptidez 0

Friday 29 July 2011 13:44

buy a house with 2 restrooms

loserman67 35

Friday 29 July 2011 14:10

I hope your family at least enjoyed the dinner before the "trots" started. My advice, some of you check into a hotel, get adjoining rooms, that way you can encourage each other on. Make it a contest, "See who can fill the bowl the fastest" The winner gets to be first in line for the return trip, the loser has to wait until everyone else has gone. You might as well try and make the best of this....

BighornB 0

Friday 29 July 2011 16:20

time for a brown showers party!

Bobby64 29

Friday 29 July 2011 17:32

"A collective diarrhea fountain"... Wow, that was a beautiful metaphor, OP. Write a poem about the experience once you're finished.

bonbonscity 0

Friday 29 July 2011 18:04

I feel a sitcom coming on...! :D

Calyx_fml 21

Friday 29 July 2011 18:48

Thanks for the visual.

swasticop 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:06

113- 105 did not fail because he was owning 102 so much that it cancelled out the fail.

isaac713 0

Friday 29 July 2011 23:54

diarrhea fountain? thts new go outside im sure theres enough bushes for all yall

talensledge1 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 2:05

Since when did ppl use washers to clean their plates?

SamanthaRose143 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 3:22

Well...I think I know where you aren't eating again(:

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 4 026

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 359

The Top

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 388

You deserved it 20 237

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 985

You deserved it 5 275

Today, I don’t know what’s worse, a hacker posting that I have cancer to my Facebook page, or that over 12 hours later not one of my family or friends rang or messaged to ask if it was true or not, except a distant auntie who liked the post 12 seconds after it was posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 122

Today, I was hanging out with this really cute boy that I liked. We were starting to get personal, intimate, and really connecting. That is, until my roommate shouted that his girlfriend had just, "clogged our toilet and shit was overflowing onto the floor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 929

You deserved it 888

Today, we inherited a house from my grandma in a homeowners association. My husband told the HOA president he's looking forward to defying the rules and annoying the rich snobs on this street who made grandma miserable by complaining about the state of her house while she was dying. FUCK THEM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 155

Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 1 228