Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling... - FML

By Unknown - 07/02/2014 14:18 - United States - Lamoni

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 575

You deserved it 21 358

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Same thing different taste

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 8 005

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 709

You deserved it 15 192

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 861

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 701

You deserved it 11 368

By Username - 03/01/2011 11:40

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 872

You deserved it 10 700

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 38 283

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Spicy

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 521

You deserved it 13 117

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 750

You deserved it 20 695

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 322

You deserved it 9 621

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 974

You deserved it 3 073

Next

Top comments

macystar 14

Friday 7 February 2014 19:12

Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.

TheAlchemist22 9

Friday 7 February 2014 19:12

oh my god you poor soul

Comments

mrlopez 13

Saturday 8 February 2014 3:28

Sofa it's a good try...

dvl2035 10

Saturday 8 February 2014 3:29

Is your name Alex Moran?

CWG91 5

Saturday 8 February 2014 3:51

Haha good shit brother, at least it was memorable

SuperStormCindy 8

Saturday 8 February 2014 4:26

That's just.....pathetic.

wellthenpeople 5

Saturday 8 February 2014 6:36

You stole this from Blue Mountain State you tool

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 276

The Top

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 017

You deserved it 38 208

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 750

You deserved it 5 621

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 133

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 623

You deserved it 10 475

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 081

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 792

You deserved it 2 596