Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling...

By Unknown - 07/02/2014 14:18 - United States - Lamoni

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 575

You deserved it 21 358

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 8 005

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 711

You deserved it 15 192

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 862

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 701

You deserved it 11 368

By Username - 03/01/2011 11:40

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 872

You deserved it 10 700

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 38 283

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 521

You deserved it 13 117

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 750

You deserved it 20 695

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 322

You deserved it 9 621

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 974

You deserved it 3 073

macystar 14

Friday 7 February 2014 19:12

Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.

TheAlchemist22 9

Friday 7 February 2014 19:12

oh my god you poor soul

Comments

middlenamefrank 8

Friday 7 February 2014 20:49

I can still remember, so many years ago, how surprised I was to find out it was actually a bit of a challenge to aim correctly when drunk. It's like a football player trying so hard to make a good play that he forgets to hold onto the ball. Gotta stay focused on the basics!

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

Friday 7 February 2014 20:49

That must be a very smooth couch. At least I hope.

GuiLD15 7

Friday 7 February 2014 21:11

now you can decide while you're sober.

squarecircles 13

Friday 7 February 2014 21:30

Sofa so good!

perdix 29

Friday 7 February 2014 21:37

I come here looking for witty comments, but all I see are sofa-moric puns couched in sarcasm!

NodakN8V 25

Friday 7 February 2014 21:55

There is just some things you shouldn't share with the world...this...being one of them.

sammyjo06 14

Friday 7 February 2014 21:58

So wait...were you able to recover, or did you cum after only 2 thrusts XD? When I was going to lose my virginity, my guy started thrusting in the space between my thigh and the side of my pussy :X. Luckily, I was able to align it properly after that lol. It tickled, though XD.